The Latest in Bank Robbery Disguises: Underwear On the Head!

Criminals are, by definition, Dumbasses.

Out of the billions of crimes committed around the world each day, when was the last time you heard of the “perfect crime”? Yeah, I know that against all odds some crooks get away with their crimes. The “not quite so perfect crimes” are ones where the bad guys get away with their misdeeds for a number of years, then one day the FBI knocks on their door and Freedom ain’t so free any more.

I mean I can understand the fact that some idiot robs a 7-11 and gets away with it. Look at who works at a 7-11 these days – guys from Calcutta named “Bruce”. No offense to guys from Calcutta named Bruce, but sometimes these fellows are new to our country and things between them and the cops can get lost in the translation. Kind of like Tech Support at AOL.

Read the rest…..

Marketing Genius: Get a FREE Pizza with a Vasectomy!

Best of Dumbass News

As we all know, the economy is in pretty rough shape.

As a result, many retailers are offering incentives for you to shop at their business. You know what I mean…buy 1 get 1 free, late night sales that offer deep discounts, etc.

That said, I found a business with an incentive that tops anything you’ve ever seen before.

A doctor in Sandwich. Massachusetts had a plan for all you guys on the go. This special gives new meaning to the term “March Madness”. For you men about town, Dr. Evan Cohen is offering with each vasectomy in March, a FREE pizza! Yes, men, while some guy is fooling around with your nut sack, you can enjoy a nice, hot pepperoni pizza!

Pepperoni.

Ironic, ain’t it?

Read the rest…..

Dumbass Short Story – Bad Guy: “The Pot in the Stolen Car Ain’t Mine!”

They say that brevity is the Soul of Wit.

If that’s the case, today’s story is a real Footstomper.

“Footstomper” is a Dumbass Way of saying “knee slapper”.

“Knee slapper” is a Non-Dumbass Way of saying “funny as hell”.

Therefore let us sally forth with stomping of feet and slapping of knees.

And the laughing off of asses.

The Brevity

  • Guy gets involved in disturbance.
  • Cops are called.
  • Guy leaves scene of disturbance.
  • Police locate Guy as he drives away from altercation.
  • Guy gets pulled over.

Read the rest…..

Dumbasses Do Easter!

South Poached

Read the rest…..

Revenge: Get a Ticket & Launch Poop Attack on Cop!

Best of Dumbass News

Lots going on at The Dumbass Dome.


Including surgery on your Fearless Leader.

Rather repeating a bunch of stuff, get the lowdown from yesterday’s post. 

Oh Poop!

Best of Dumbass News

“Let’s throw this against the wall and see if it sticks.”

Usually that saying refers to an idea.

Or spaghetti. (to see if it’s done)

What if the proverbial idea and/or spaghetti were doo doo?

Funny you should ask.

Read the rest…..

T.G.I.F.! Here’s Your (Dumbass) Sign!


s
              

Best of Dumbass News

It’s Friday!!!!

I know that for many of you that means the end of a perfectly good week interrupted by work.

For many others of you that means your Weekend Pass from the Home for the Chronically & Criminally Fucked Up has been approved.

Either way, you are on the Dumbass Highway to Side-splitting Laughter or At Least a Hardy Guffaw with another exciting episode of Dumbass News Presents: Dumbass Signs & Shit! 

New Dumbasses will find much mirth, merriment and amusement in this previous edition of Dumbass Signs & Billboards

On With the Show!

Come On In! Or Not.

Read the rest…..

Dumbasses & Divorce In Pictures

You are more than likely aware that half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce.

While going through the Big D (and I Don’t Mean Dallas) is rarely a pleasant experience, it is always the best idea to dissolve a marriage as amicably as possible.

It’s also in your best interest to show proper decorum in a Court of Law should your divorce action go that route. Threatening cook and eat the Judge’s children does not fall within the guidelines of acceptable behavior in a legal proceeding.

Everything I just wrote is unquestionably true.

Unless you are a Dumbass.

Dumbasses have an innate ability to turn even something as serious as divorce into a whole other thing.

Observe…

Read the rest…..