Dumbasses & Divorce In Pictures

You are more than likely aware that half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce.

While going through the Big D (and I Don’t Mean Dallas) is rarely a pleasant experience, it is always the best idea to dissolve a marriage as amicably as possible.

It’s also in your best interest to show proper decorum in a Court of Law should your divorce action go that route. Threatening cook and eat the Judge’s children does not fall within the guidelines of acceptable behavior in a legal proceeding.

Everything I just wrote is unquestionably true.

Unless you are a Dumbass.

Dumbasses have an innate ability to turn even something as serious as divorce into a whole other thing.

Observe…

Read the rest…..

Congresswimmin Propose New National Park – On the Moon!

At the top of this page the tagline under the blog title mentions that Dumbass News is read by Dumbasses in 177 countries on Earth.

If two Democrat members of the U S House of Representatives have their way, Dumbass News could well be the first blog read from the surface of the Moon! 

How cool would that be?

Read the rest…..

New Feature! Dumbass Small Town Newspaper Police Blotters!

Without a doubt, the Most Popular Special Feature on Dumbass News is Dumbass Newspaper Headlines.

Newer Special Features on the blog, also big hits with the Dumbass Horde, are Dumbass Newspaper Layouts and Dumbass Classified Ads. 

Today we are taking the basic premise of those features one step further.

If you have ever lived in a small town and read the local newspaper, you will have undoubtedly come across (and probably gotten a chuckle from) the Weekly Police Blotter. If you are unfamiliar with the Police Blotter in a small town paper, it’s a round up of calls answered by the County Sheriff or the Town Police Department.

Almost all these calls are pretty benign. For example, I still remember a snippet from the Police Blotter in the newspaper in Graham, Texas from over twenty years ago. This is a nearly verbatim recollection of that item: “Police received a call of a bull running loose on County Road XYZ. Officers responded. Cow put up.”

From small town newspapers across The Fruited Plain, we proudly present….The First Ever Dumbass News Police Blotter! 

Read the rest…..

 

Dumbass Science: Lab-Grown Vajayjays!

Dear Mom: you may NOT want to read this!

Science.

I have written about it on several occasions.

Just because I am a Dumbass doesn’t mean that I ain’t curious about the World (and shiny objects) around me.

Anyway….I don’t write about Stoopid Shit Science, like e = mc². That boring claptrap and other who-gives-a-damn science-y horse hockey was discovered through research, observation, experimentation, using mathematics and following something called The Scientific Method. 

Who friggin’ cares?

I write about The Science That Matters to Dumbasses. 

Read the rest…..

Dumbass Demolition Derby! In the Graveyard!

Best of Dumbass News

Two women, a Mother and her daughter, from Winthrop, Maine met up a few days ago at a cemetery.

Why did they meet up at a Bone Yard? I ain’t exactly sure, but I will go on he assumption that they were there to pay respects to a dearly departed friend or family member.

They were also there to initiate a demolition derby.

In the cemetery! 

Read the rest…..

Old Lady’s Retirement Plan: Sell Tons of Pot!

Best of Dumbass News

Many cultists in members of the Dumbass Horde, myself included, have reached a point in life where our Sunset Years are not that many sunsets away.

I, personally, am very close to needing to turn on the porch light in order to see through the dusk. My constant companion, Artur Itis, has, however, been kind enough to supply me with one of those curly-q CFL porch lights. How magnanimous of him.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am looking for something, someone to give me hope and inspiration as I transition from Middle Aged Curmudgeon to Full Blown Old Fart. I am ecstatic to tell you, my Beloved Dumbass Horde, that I have found my Seasoned Citizen Guru in, of all places, Oklahoma.

Read the rest…..

Family Steals from Church: Sells Loot at Yard Sale!

Best of Dumbass News

The family that plays together, stays together.

Sometimes after they play together, they even go to The Slammer together.

Let Us Play

For millions of families across The Fruited Plain, a Family Game Night would include a Monopoly marathon, Uno, jigsaw puzzles or some other form of activity that brings a family together not only to play, but to bond and actually communicate with each other.

Other families might play Charades, watch a movie or burglarize a church…..

What???

Read the rest…..