Hello, IRS? I’d Like My $94 Million Tax Refund Please!

There are several Indisputable Truths of Life. 

For example:

  • You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.
  • You don’t piss into the wind.
  • You don’t pull the mask of that old Lone Ranger.
  • And you don’t mess around with Jim. (Just ask Bad Leroy Brown)
  • Don’t fuck with the IRS.

When it comes to the IRS, I’d rather perform a root canal on myself with a ball peen hammer and a rusty railroad spike than to deal with those bastards.

I heard a preacher once say that one of his parishoners had a problem with the Internal Revenue Service and he refused to pay them what thy said he owed. The Guy told the preacher, “They can’t get blood from a turnip.” The preacher replied, “But they can certainly come get the turnip.”

Taking into account the preacher’s admonishment that “they can come get the turnip”, and the fact that the IRS can be “aggressive” when pursuing tax scofflaws, I see absolutely no reason to piss off the revenuers.

It appears, however, that a  couple of people in Georgia evidently didn’t get the Don’t Jack With the IRS memo. Or heard about the blood from a turnip story.

Read the rest…..

What’s In a Name? Dumbass Wedding Announcements!

Best of Dumbass News


For better or worse.

In sickness and in health.

My name sucks, so does yours.

But together they are poetry.

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He’ll Need That On the Honeymoon

Commies Try to Ban Bacon at Minor League Baseball Park!

The World Series starts Tuesday in Kansas City.

The KC Royals will be playing in the Fall Classic for the first time in 29 years.

Their National League opponents the San Francisco Giants will be going for their third World Series title in five years.

Since Baseball is America’s Pastime, I thought today would be a great day to expose some Non-American Commie Pussies Who Hate Baseball, God, America and Bacon for what they are (or should be) – Target Practice!

Best of Dumbass News


They are messing the Holiest of Foods Not Approved By the Council of Kosheridity.

I am speaking of course of bacon! 

Read the rest…..

Dumbass Election Watch: Stoopid Campaign Signs!

With the crucial 2014 mid term elections just a few weeks away, I thought that it would be a good idea to check out some campaign signs for candidates from around the country.

I was expecting plenty of Extreme Campaign Sign Dumbassery, and I was not disappointed.

Make certain to exercise your right to vote for the Most Qualified Dumbass in your area!

Vote out the Commies and elect some real Dumbasses!

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This Guy Will Not Get the Negro Vote.

Dumbass “You Had One Job” FAIL!

One. Simple. Job.

Or not.

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave
The Sign Maker Wasn’t as Drunk as Some Thinkle Peep

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Dumbass Science: Boner In a Beaker: Lab-Grown Penises!

Let me start off today by saying that you are reading a cutting edge scientistic blog, voted as such by millions of readers around the world. And by “voted as such by millions of readers around the world” I of course mean “I made that shit up”. 

Dumbass News is however recognized as the World’s Leading Scientistic Journal for the Dumbass Community. This is indisputable.

As a Man of Science and Reason, I relentlessly rebuke that which is unscientistic and unreasonable – shit like Physics, Biology and Chemistry. Any stoopid fuck can do that Fake Science stuff. It takes someone with and “unconventional” outlook to see what really matters to the average Dumbass when it comes to Science. I am that man.

Some recent discoveries that are of particular relevance to Dumbasses include:

In keeping with the Scientific Method (and an insatiable appetite for Federal Funding), a bunch of Highly Educated Idiots at Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine have done some “companion” with regard to pre-fab vajayjays.

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Cal-ee-forn-ya Leads the Way With Petting Zoos at Colleges!

Best of Dumbass News

Have you ever wondered how a place as beautiful as Cal-ee-forn-ya could be inhabited by so many Dumbasses?

There are certain parts of the state, I’m looking at you, Bay Area, that are as infested with Dumbasses as Congress is with crooks. That’s saying something. I could link you to some stories from Cal-ee-forn-ya that would curl your toenails. Then again, curled toenails are probably a fashion statement out there.

But, I digress.

The state is in the economic crapper with no relief in sight and the Dumbasses re-elected Jerry Brown, Governor Moonbeam, to be their Governor again! Get your popcorn ready, this is gonna be good. Institutions of Higher Learning in Cal-ee-forn-ya are turning out a bunch Socialist indoctrinated pussies to be the leaders of the future. Those poor people are doomed! The light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be a freight train traveling at 100 mph straight at them. It ain’t gonna be pretty when it hits.

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