Dumbass News Is Closed for Bidness

I don’t know where to begin, really.

But I do know where to end.

After today, I will not be blogging anymore. For a while at least. My initial thought is to take a month or two off then come back as stoopid as ever. As of right now, I can’t say when, or even if, I will resume writing Dumbass News again. Some time in the future I may just post videos of The World’s Best Dumbassery on Dumbass Tube. I simply don’t know.

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Bare Ass vs. Electric Fence Or Face Meet Cow Pie! (VIDEO)


Candidate for the Best Use of an Ass in the 2015 Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Awards!

Watch the video here.

2 Years Ago Today: Thief Uses I D to Buy Beer From Lady She Stole I D From!

Best of Dumbass News

Thanks to my long time friend Matt Vaughn in Texas, today we are breaking new ground in the sink hole that is Dumbass News. I’ve come to expect stuff like this from Matt because he is one of the biggest Dumbasses I know. I must admit, however, that I am a bit jealous of Matt. And by “jealous” I of course mean that I would pay an exorbitant amount of money to one of my wife’s Eye-talian uncles  (Sicilian, naturally) to put Young Matthew to “sleep with the fishes”, IYKWIMAITYD. This would be easy to accomplish because my buddy Matt lives near one of my old fishing holes, Lake Ray Hubbard. This is one of the reasons I am jealous of my friend – because he lives so damn near the lake. Another reason I am envious of Matt is because he has a Harley and I don’t. Having said all this, you can easily see why Matthew deserves a fate of nothing less than becoming catfish food.

So, Matt, if you wake up one morning with a severed horse head in your bed, it’s nothing personal, bro. It’s just bidness.

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You Had One Job FAIL!

One. Simple. Job.

Or not.

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave


The Sign Maker Wasn’t as Drunk as Some Thinkle Peep

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Dumbass Love Life Texting FAIL!

Presented without comment.

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Dumbass Sports: Midget Tossing While Drunk!

Best of Dumbass News

Physically speaking, I am a small man.

Some Dumbasses would say the same about my mental capabilities and character too.

The ones who carry these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either

  • 1) Liberals or
  • 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde.

Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that it ain’t gonna happen.

As far as Liberals go, I ain’t skeered of a bunch of sissies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match. The Fwench wouldn’t fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won’t work to save their own mothers. Knowing that, I’m pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe.

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Dildocular Beat Down!

Best of Dumbass News

Most of are pretty fortunate to have (or had, if she has gone on to her Reward) good Moms.

I, for one, realize that Ma Fearless Leader is a keeper.

I have done some stoopid shit in my life and Ma has always been there for me when other family members and people who I thought were my friends abandoned me like Preznit Stomp Feet has dumped (on) our Constitution.

Don’t get me wrong, Ma FL didn’t always treat me like “Poor Baby Fearless Leader”, she has lit my ass up more times than I care to mention.

Still she did it with love.

And a cast iron skillet to the skull.

Please understand I will tell anyone, anytime to politely “go lick a sweaty swamp donkey’s nut sack”. Including Preznit Head Up His Ass. But not my Mom, the Pope or the Reverend Billy Graham. <— Dumbass News, Rule 1.

There are, however, Dumbasses who, shall we say, have very little respect for their Maternal Parentage. No, we shall say that some Dumbasses need their spleen extracted. Through their asshole. By the Barbed Cock of Satan.

Cara Claffy (say that three times real fast) is just such a Dumbass.

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