Monthly Archives: February 2011

Issy Learns About Friendship

Editor’s Note: Isabella was a brave little girl today as her best friend moved out of her apartment, just a few doors down from us and into her new home. Issy fought back some tears, but she carried on like a champ . Her Mom and I are very proud of her. Below is the post she wrote on her own. Misspellings and all are exactly as Issy wrote them. Enjoy.

Toby, Issy’s Dad,
Blog Administrator, TexNetMaine


My best friend is moving  today I  realy  am going to miss my friend but she is only 5 miunits away  from  me. And we will see each other at the lake, and have sleep overs a lot this summer. my friend is ferekd out aoubot  going to her new sckool , and her new home because it is next to a grave yard  and the scooll she is going to is houtdid realey bad .tommoro is her last day of skcooll  at my scooll .I am very sad aoubut  her moving because she is going to a dferintt skcoll  but i bet they will like there new home.


Out of the mouths of babes. You can see why I love this little girl so much. 








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Issy’s Friend Moves Away

Editor’s Note: Isabella was a brave little girl today as her best friend moved out of her apartment, just a few doors down from us and into her new home. Issy fought back some tears, but she carried on like a good soldier. Her Mom and I are very proud of her. Below is the post she wrote on her own. Misspellings and all are exactly as Issy wrote them. Enjoy.




My best friend is moving  today I  realy  am going to miss my friend but she is only 5 miunits away  from  me. And we will see each other at the lake, and have sleep overs a lot this summer. my friend is ferekd out aoubot  going to her new sckool , and her new home because it is next to a grave yard  and the scooll she is going to is houtdid realey bad .tommoro is her last day of skcooll  at my scooll .I am very sad aoubut  her moving because she is going to a dferintt skcoll  but i bet they will like there new home.


Out of the mouths of babes. You can see why I love this little girl so much. 

Dumbass Gets Loaded, Pisses on Chicken in Kroger Store

Free Range, Piss Free Yard Bird

Grocery shoppers in Little Rock BEWARE! There’s a guy who could be in your local Kroger store pissing all over the Pilgrim’s Pride or Tyson chicken! What this dumbass has in mind by pissing on the chicken, I don’t know. But, I am relieved to know that he bypassed the T-bone steaks. If the dude had peed on the T-bones, I would become a vegetarian on the spot. Pissing on the yard bird, not so much. Anyway…

This dumbass went to a Kroger store (Kroger is a large grocery store company – ed.) in Little Rock as decided that he would “marinate” the yard birds with his tinkle. I know you’ll find this difficult to believe, but the dumbass was drunk! The Little Rock police got a call from Kroger’s saying that a man was being “verbally aggressive” with some of the employees. But, before the Law could get there the dumbass peed on over $500 worth of chicken. He also ate a large package of ham. I happen to know that the good people of Little Rock love their hogs, ooooooooooohhhhhhh pig soooooooo-eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy! A little football lingo there.

So…the dumbass pisses on over $500 worth of chicken, eats a large package of ham and gets verbally aggressive with store employees. Enter the LRPD who quickly subdue the drunk dumbass and prepare to haul his ass to jail. Upon confronting the dumbass suspect, the police made this brilliant observation, “he was reported by officers to have been unsteady on his feet, smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes when they arrived on the scene.” What was their first clue? The cops left out the fact that the dumbass smelled of pig. Our dumbass was “charged with public intoxication, theft of property, and criminal mischief.” Criminal mischief? Does that mean he pissed all over the chicken? I really got nothin’ today, but I do hope that pissing on the yard bird isn’t one of the “special seasonings” in KFC. If it is, the dumbass and I gotta have a loooooooooonnnngggg talk. Not only is he pissing on my chicken, he’s breathing my air. Dumbass.

Coming Up: Issy Does a Guest Blog!

             Because Issy Said So

As you know, I have been running a basically constant plea ad for guest bloggers. I finally found one. My eight year old little girl. The child has her own blog, and now she wants to move on up to the Eastside. Or as it’s known in our house, one of Daddy’s blogs. And it’s all good. I bring this to your attention because I am trying to shame you into doing something that you (and I) know you can do. When you write something as my guest blogger, I ain’t  a Grammar Nazi looking for the smallest mistake. Hell, look at most of the shit I write. Shakespeare it ain’t.

If you want to be upstaged by an eight year old, there’s no shame in that. Not much shame anyway. Issy’s post will be up later today, so when you get a chance, take a peek at it. And, if you want to contribute to the betterment of Mankind, throw something together and email it to me at TexNetMaine AT gmail DOT com. Write about anything you want to, I ain’t picky, but bring teh funnay. Teh funnay sells. Like sex. However, if your sex life brings teh funnay, I recommend viagra or counseling. I’m not a doctor for God’s sake, but I do charge $125 an hour for sex problem consultations. Bring photos and/or video.  🙂

I’ll put up Issy’s post when she gets it written. You’ll know her post when you see it, it’ll be the one that actually makes sense. The others are mine.

Texas Tidbits: Time Is Not an Ally to Travis and His Men, The Siege of the Alamo, Days 6 – 9

***Quick note: So I don’t confuse you with the number of days until a certain event, etc., 1836 was a Leap Year, so that’s why it seems like there’s an extra day, because there was!  :)***

Remembering Gonzales on the Way to the Alamo

The next four days in the Siege of the Alamo were fairly uneventful as far as the two sides shooting at each other, but there was quite a bit going on away from the Alamo, as Texians from various locations planned to rush to the besieged mission and serve as reinforcements to Colonel Travis command. Dodging roving Mexican troops was a constant problem for the reinforcements, even causing some of the men headed for the Alamo to become separated from their larger group. At this point, we turn to ever useful Wikipedia: “After learning that Fannin was not coming and that there would likely be no other reinforcements,[77] a group of 25 men set out from Gonzales at 2 pm on Saturday, February 27.[96] They were led by Martin and George Kimbell, Almaron Dickinson’s business partner.[97] As the group passed the ranch of volunteer John G. King on their way out of town his fifteen-year-old son, Wiliam, rushed out and asked to take his father’s place, as John King was needed to support the family’s nine children. The men agreed, and William exchanged places with his father.[98] On the march to Bexar eight additional men joined the group.[99] The men carried with them the first flag ever made for use in a Texian battle; the Come and take it flag from the Battle of Gonzales.” There’s more to this story and you can read it at Wikipedia.

Time was not a trusty ally to the Defenders of the Alamo, nor to the men who would be much-needed firepower to the weary men at the mission, for within a week’s time, they would all perish pursuing those most-cherished of God-given rights, the Twin Sisters of Liberty and Freedom.

God bless Texas!

The Smoking Nazis are in NYC!

Old Lady Smoking a Wolf Turd

The Smoking Nazi’s are alive and well in New York City. Just ask Harry Lysons. Harry lives in an apartment building in NYC. That means Harry has neighbors – neighbors that are dumbasses. Good ole Harry just wanted to do something that millions of men and women do every day, and that is to smoke a good cigar from time to time. This is where the Smoking Nazis come in. Here’s a snippet of the story from UPI and The New York Post, “A New York man settled a lawsuit by agreeing to pay $2,000 to his neighbors if he is caught smoking a cigar inside his apartment in the future. The $2 million lawsuit, filed in city Supreme Court by Russell and Amanda Poses, claimed next door neighbor Harry Lysons was stinking up their apartment by smoking cigars inside his domicile, the New York Post reported Thursday.” What. The. Fuck. The story by the Post and UPI doesn’t say anything about possible rules in Harry’s lease that prohibit him from having a good stogie in his own apartment. If there is a clause in Harry’s lease, then he should be held accountable for his actions.

It’s his dumbass neighbors that piss me off. Here’s a doozy for you “The Poses family said the smoke was causing health problems for their children, ages 3 and 6.” Let me get this straight. harry has a smoke in his own apartment and somehow his sinful actions have caused health problems for the children of his neighbors? A few thoughts here. If indeed the cigar smoke finds it way to the neighbors’ apartment (cigar smoke is known to do that. It’s evil and vile and hunts down children so they’ll suffer health problems and worse yet, makes the kids nicotine addicts! Big Tobacco wins thanks to Harry! Evil bastard) the apartments are cheap ass ghetto fuckers with walls made of notebook paper. To the neighbors I say, “Move! You dumbasses!” What a bunch of pussies. Here’s another thought. I have had neighbors that smoked enough dope to fog in the DFW Airport, and I can honestly say, that I nor any of my family members, kids included, ever, not even one time become smokers of the weed, because the neighbors partook. NEVER! And we never even got the munchies becuase the neighbors sparked up a fattie. So I am calling bullshit on this. Harry’s a dumbass for caving in and the Poses are just a bunch of garden variety Liberals who have to have something to cry about or their life isn’t worth living. Pussies.

I always yhought NYC was the Big Apple, but the more I read crap like this and see what that Commie Mayor Bloomberg dictates, NYC is no longer the Big Apple, it’s the Shriveled Prune. Dumbasses.

The End of the Month Review

Herman, Official Accountant of TexNetMaine

The shortest month of the year has been the biggest month so far for the TexNetMaine Blogging Family. You have been so kind as to share our websites with friends and family, thus sending our total number of visitors through the roof! Judging from the statistics I have seen, our readership has grown by more than 25% and I see that trend continuing on for a long time. I thank you for your support. I could write Pulitzer-worthy content, but if nobody’s there to read it, it’s just a bunch of words in the ether with no eyes seeing them. Thank you for using your eyes to view what I write. The thousands of words that I type every day would be very lonely without them.  🙂

In the coming week, I’ll have a lot more Texas History as we count down the days to the fall of the Alamo, then move on to the battle at San Jacinto that gave Texas her independence. It’s an honest to goodness,  great learning or re-learning tool for Texans who need a refreshment course in our history, like me, and for non-Texans who can appreciate the sacrifices great men have made in the name of Freedom and Liberty. In the name of Texas. God bless Texas!

We have also seen extraordinary growth in Dumbass News over the past several weeks. This makes sense to me because everybody wants to learn of some dumbass somewhere in the world who’s stoopider and has more problems than he does. Soon, I hope to have some t-shirts made that say “I’m a Dumbass” or I’m With the Dumbass —->” Maybe even some coffee mugs that say “This is MY Coffee, Dumbass”. I am open for suggestions.

The Because Toby Said So blog has finally caught fire and moving “up the charts” as I was hoping it would. Thank you.

The bottom line once again is that I am humbled by each and every visit that you or someone else makes to one of the TexNetMaine Affiliate Blogs.

Gracias,
Toby, El Jefe