Daily Archives: July 21, 2011

Let’s Take Fake Arrest Photos in an Unlocked Police Van!

Many of us have had too much to drink at one time or another and have done some stupid shit, especially when we were young. However, even in my drunkest moment, I have never done anything as stupid as crawling into the back of a paddy wagon. Never. The same can’t be said for a a pair of dumbasses in Pennsylvania.

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

The two dumbasses were at a party when lo and behold, they spot a Police Van nearby. Being typical drunk young men (and by that I mean stoopid fuckers) they see an opportunity to pull a dumbass drunk young stoopid fuck stunt. Looking to impress their party buddies, the two dumbasses crawl into the back of the paddy wagon so they could take some photos that made it look like they were being arrested! What could possibly go wrong?  They locked themselves in the van! That’s what could possibly go wrong. I may be the odd man out here but the back of a Police Van is the last place I want to be. So these two dumbasses just sat around in the van smoking cigs and spitting all over the place. When discovered by Police, the lawman was less than amused. He was so less than amused that he arrested the duo of dumbasses and charged them with attempted theft of a mtor vehicle, being drunk in public (no shit?) and criminal mischief.

The moral of the story is don’t drink like Mel Gibson and jack with a Police van, spitting all over said van is a no no and for Gawd’s sake quit smoking!

Dumbasses.

UPDATE: Thanks to my wife Heather for the use of her computer while mine lay destroyed by Bailey the 4 Year Old.

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A Wet Laptop and a Ferocious Chihuahua

KILLER!

(Dateline – Deep in the bowels of Heather’s keyboard) My 4 year old daughter Bailey has banished me to this foreign land. I am using my wife’s computer because Bailey loves Daddy so much she dumped a full bottle of water (16.9 oz) all over my laptop. R. I. P. Laptop. Enough said.

Speaking of chihuahuas (<—clever segue), in Altadena, California, two would-be robbers turned out to be two honest-to-goodness pussies when they tried to rob a local “smoke shop”. A “smoke shop” in California is the pseudonym for “Buy Your Bong Here” shop. The two dumbasses were thwarted in their attempted heist by a) a 12 gauge wielding store owner, b) an off duty policeman or c) a man-eating chihuahua. If you said a or b, you are a dumbass. These two pansies were scared off by a fucking dog the size of a large grapefruit! The stotre’s video surveillance system  shows the store owner begin to place money into a backpack worn by one of the robbers while his Chihuahua starts barking loudly and forcefully at the men. 

Investigators said the robbers were apparently spooked by the dog and fled the store with less money than they could have obtained from the store owner. 

The video depicts the Chihuahua follow the men from the store and chase them down the street.” Really? A chihuahua? A fucking chihuahua? Will the last real man in The Land of Fruits and Nuts please stand up? Oh, wait, there are none. Forgive me for that slip of the fingers.

When I was a young man, I was not always within the parameters of the law nor decorum. I have chased by mad husbands, the cops and angry men with guns, but I swear on my Grandma’s grave, not once was I EVER chased away from where I shouldn’t have been by a chihuahua! But then again, I not from California. 
Dumbasses.
UPDATE: Thanks to my wife Heather for the use of her computer while mine lay destroyed by Bailey the 4 Year Old.