Daily Archives: July 22, 2011

Commit Felonies in New Hampshire & Do Not Go to Jail!

Portsmouth, New Hampsire is a nice, cuddly seaside community of about 21,000 people on part of the 300 yards of coastline in the Granite State. Actually, the coastline of NH could be 400 yards long, but what’s a hundred yards between dumbasses? What can be for sure is that at least one of Portsmouth’s visitors is bat shit crazy.

A Masshole (a dumbass from Maasivetwoshits), which borders New Hampshire, went to Portsmouth to buy a car. He bought one and was not satisfied with the car or the dealership that sold it to him and their response to his complaints. So what does he do? He goes back to the car lot and goes on a rampage of destruction. From the UPI story, “Cross (the bad guy) said his mechanic recommended he “take it back,” but the dealer refused to refund his money and told him he was “stuck with it.”

Cross said he brought the van back to the dealership just before midnight Monday night and drove it into six cars.

“I hit the first $25,000 car I could see,” Cross said. “I didn’t hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn’t come down on the price for. I moved it with the lemon they sold me. I just held it to the floor until I couldn’t move it anymore. I took out seven vehicles, including my own.” Cross said he flagged down a police cruiser and told an officer “the deal.” He was arrested and released on his own recognizance”

Dude was charged with six felonies and released without posting bail? What. The. Fuck? Let this be a notice to all felons that New Hampshire is “tough on crime”. I shall now remand myself to the Criminal Mastermind Division of the Toby Dome and secretly plan numerous felonies that will rock the Granite State, get set free on my own recognizance and return home to never face Justice! How diabolically genius!

Thanks, New Hampshire Court System!



Mom is Buried Where?

Now where is Mom again?

What’s up with all the dead people stories lately, Toby? Let me splain.

How would you like it if one of your loved ones died and was buried in what was supposed to be his/her final resting place only to find out later, twenty years later, that someone else was interred in that spot? Personally I’d find the Head Guy In Charge of Burying Dead People at the cemetery, chew his ass up one side and down the other, show him the error in his ways, then contact the most notorious ambulance-chasin’ lawyer with the worst TV commercial on the air and sue the shit outta the cemetery. But that’s just me.

And two sisters in Queens, NY. The above-mentioned situation actually happened to these poor women. They had been paying homage to their long-dead mother when they found out she was buried in the wrong place, not the plot they had bought years earlier. Now the women (sisters) are real pissed off . How PO’ed? Po’ed to the tune of $25 million. That’s  pretty damned mad. Who can blame them? Fucking up your Mom’s grave site location can be a very traumatic experience for the bereaved. Come to think of it, it ain’t no walk in the park for the Head Guy In Charge of Burying People at the graveyard either. He could be out $25 million. Put that in your urn and smoke it.