Daily Archives: July 25, 2011

Cruise Ships, Drunks, Anchors and Gazebos!

Anchors Aweigh!

Here’s some “news” for you. A guy is on a cruise ship from Mexico headed for Florida when he got drunk (imagine that!) and gained access to a control room and lowered the anchor! Problem is the ship was still moving! His lawyer said the drunk guy was guilty of “felony stupidity”, but not a Federal Crime. He is also worthy of a spot on Dumbass News!

Drunk dumbasses do a lot of stoopid stuff, but this has to be one of the stoopidest ever. At the beginning of the year we had some great candidates for “Dumbass of the Year”, but this idiot is the leader in the Dumbass Club House with barely five months left in 2011. Think about it. The guy got into a control room on a cruise ship and lowered the anchor, for Gawd’s sake! I have never been on a cruise (unless you count cruising the Sonic to Jack in the Box cruise in Irving, Texas in the 70’s) but I am highly encouraged to do so now. It not only sounds like fun, but they must have some killer tequila on board. Or rotgut whiskey. Both are known to, shall we say, impair one’s judgement. Put simply, one, should he or she choose, could get hammered and have all sorts of fun!

Dropping the anchor would be for pikers. As a former Professional Drinker, I could come up with all kinds of “extracurricular” activities that would surely be much more enjoyable than merely dropping the anchor of a moving cruise ship. Strip roulette in the ship’s casino comes to mind. A nekkid drunk guy could sit on the roulette wheel, be spun around bets would be placed on whether his gazebos landed on red or black! Possibly both! Wow, what entertainment and everybody wins! Until the nekkid drunk guy gets dizzy then the game tends to get a bit messy. You have been warned.

I have many more splendid ideas for cruise ship fun that perhaps we’ll discuss in a future edition of Dumbass News. For example, think pineapple rings, nekkid drunk people and ring toss.

Dumbass.

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