Before I even get going I am gonna give “credit” to the HuffPuffingtonLibWeeniePost for this story, it was too good to pass up. It’s pretty damn disgusting, so read further at your own peril.
I begin by saying that I am an animal lover. I like cats, dogs, squirrels, rabbits, pigs and so on and so forth. I also like cows – medium rare please. I just threw in that last part to piss off PETA and whatever other pussy animals rights organizations happen to read Dumbass News, especially after yesterday’s post about the fallow dear and the animals rights Dumbasses.
I have had pets that I genuinely loved just like a member of the family. Ginger, my cocker spaniel when I was about 5 years old. Or Cuatro, my buddy bud bud in the early 90s. More recently, Clyde the Cat. Poor Clyde tried to challenge a big ass Buick traveling at 45 mph. The big ass Buick won that fight.
I do, however, have limits as to how familial I treat animals. I prefer that an animal treat me. Treat me to dinner that is. T-bone or a chili cheeseburger sounds good to me. Simply said, I will blow a critter to smithereens if it will feed me and my family. Suck on that PETA.
Things Are Different in Sweden
There’s this funky old bastard in Sweden who “likes” wildlife to a fault. He likes them a lot, if you know what I mean and I think you do. His personal beast of choice is sheep.
|Scandi Girlfriend w/ Swen’s Baby
Let me splain.
Some Scandi Dumbass who works at a farm was cruisin’ through the property when he noticed something unusual – an Old Guy standing behind a sheep – with his pants down – to his ankles. The Old Dumbass was apparently “having his way” with said sheep. The sheep could be overheard saying something, possibly
“Oooooohhh, Big Daa-aaa-aaa-dddyy”. But that is just a rumor.
You won’t believe this shit unless I quote directly from the HuffPo story: The witness said the alleged sheep rapist bound the sheep’s back legs together to make it easier to commit the act, The Local reported.
It is unknown whether the sheep was injured during the act, which could be crucial to any arrest.
Sweden decriminalized sex with animals in 1944, but perpetrators can be tried for animal cruelty if the animal is deemed to have sustained injury.
Meanwhile, the suspect remains on the lam, but could be facing a more serious problem than just being arrested.
A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine last November found that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own species.
Does that mean that the President of the United States might have dick cancer? After all, he’s been fucking a wookie for two decades or so now. I’m just askin’.
What to Do Here?
I could take this story in a hundred different directions at this point, but any of those would be sickening even for this blog! I mean I could:
- Make some seriously funny, albeit very vulgar jokes about wool and female genitalia, but I won’t.
- I could even go so far as to inject a racial component into my observations, like Richard Pryor would, but I won’t.
- Ask what do you get when you cross a Scandi with a sheep…., but I won’t.
See what I mean? I will, though, go this far: curly headed Swedish kids are living proof that Scandi men fuck woolly sheep. I know this to be true because a curly headed Scandi kids first word is “daa-aa-aa-aa-dy”. I’m just sayin’.