Monthly Archives: July 2012

Foster’s Beer Causes Man to Ignite Fireworks in His Ass!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how’s that hope and change workin’ out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the ravel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that’s gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That’s exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then’ like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

Nekkid_motel


Go nekkid!

Motel On the Brink Rises to Occasion, Goes Nekkid!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how’s that hope and change workin’ out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the travel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that’s gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That’s exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then’ like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

 Go nekkid!

Nekkid Motel Bidness is on the Rise in Florida

Git Nekkid

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how’s that hope and change workin’ out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the ravel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that’s gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That’s exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then’ like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

Go nekkid!

The Real Fawlty Towers Resort Motel, 1-800-887-3870, Call ’em Today!

David Broad, not to confused with Stupid Broad and Broad Load, says he was this close || to putting padlocks on the doors of the hotel he manages, when the idea of going clothing optional came up and was decided to be worth the risk.

I am not sure about you, but where I come from “clothing optional” always means nekkid. And it’s kinda funny that nekkid people like to hang around each other a lot. If Church was “clothing optional”, except for the Priest or Minister of course, church buildings. mosques and synagogues would be splittin’ at the seams with nekkid parishioners. I guess that would be OK with the Lord, because he sees us all the same way anyhow.

Back to Fawlty Towers Resort Motel, the nekkid hotel, the move to nekkididity has been a good one. They are no longer in danger of closing down because, like I said earlier, nekkid folks like to “hang out” (hahahahaha I kill  me) together, swimming, playing volleyball and doing the ring toss, if you know what I mean and I think you do. By the way, this is the area’s only nekkid-if-you-wanna motel. No shit.

The Bottom Line

I wonder what would happen if other bidnesses followed to Nekkid Lead. It would certainly liven up a trip to the convenience store. Especially if it is manned by former strippers. Going to Sonic for a Foot Long would have new meaning.

Image the fun you could have with a trip to the fishing supply store if the employess were nekkid. The words “crank bait” and “plastic worm” conjure up some reall doozies of thoughts. How about a new game for fabulous prizes at Dunkin Donuts called Make a Donut Hole in the Dough where the nekkid Dunkin Donut girl would sling a ball of donut dough at nekkid male customers….you get the idea.

Donut holes anyone?

Dumbasses.

Sheep Humping in Sweden!

Before I even get going I am gonna give “credit” to the HuffPuffingtonLibWeeniePost for this story, nut it was too good to pass up. It’s pretty damn disgusting, so read further at your own peril.

I begin by saying that I am an animal lover. I like cats, dogs, squirrels, rabbits, pigs and so on and so forth. I also like cows – medium rare please. I just threw in that last part to piss off PETA and whatever other pussy animals rights organizations happen to read Dumbass News, especially after yesterday’s post about the fallow dear and the animals rights Dumbasses.

I have had pets that I genuinely loved just like a member of the family. Ginger, my cocker spaniel when I was about 5 years old. Or Cuatro, my buddy bud bud in the early 90s. More recently, Clyde the Cat. Poor Clyde tried to challenge a big ass Buick traveling at 45 mph. The big ass Buick won that fight.

I do, however, have limits as to how familial I treat animals. I prefer that an animal treat me. Treat me to dinner that is. T-bone or a chili cheeseburger sounds good to me. Simply said, I will blow a critter to smithereens if it will feed me and my family. Suck on that PETA.
Read the rest here…

Swedish Dumbass Likes Sheep! A LOT!!!

Before I even get going I am gonna give “credit” to the HuffPuffingtonLibWeeniePost for this story, it was too good to pass up. It’s pretty damn disgusting, so read further at your own peril.

I begin by saying that I am an animal lover. I like cats, dogs, squirrels, rabbits, pigs and so on and so forth. I also like cows – medium rare please. I just threw in that last part to piss off PETA and whatever other pussy animals rights organizations happen to read Dumbass News, especially after yesterday’s post about the fallow dear and the animals rights Dumbasses.

I have had pets that I genuinely loved just like a member of the family. Ginger, my cocker spaniel when I was about 5 years old. Or Cuatro, my buddy bud bud in the early 90s. More recently, Clyde the Cat. Poor Clyde tried to challenge a big ass Buick traveling at 45 mph. The big ass Buick won that fight.

I do, however, have limits as to how familial I treat animals. I prefer that an animal treat me. Treat me to dinner that is. T-bone or a chili cheeseburger sounds good to me. Simply said, I will blow a critter to smithereens if it will feed me and my family. Suck on that PETA.

Things Are Different in Sweden

There’s this funky old bastard in Sweden who “likes” wildlife to a fault. He likes them a lot, if you know what I mean and I think you do. His personal beast of choice is sheep.

Scandi Girlfriend w/ Swen’s Baby

Let me splain.

Some Scandi Dumbass who works at a farm was cruisin’ through the property when he noticed something unusual – an Old Guy standing behind a sheep – with his pants down – to his ankles. The Old Dumbass was apparently “having his way” with said sheep. The sheep could be overheard saying something, possibly
“Oooooohhh, Big Daa-aaa-aaa-dddyy”. But that is just a rumor.

You won’t believe this shit unless I quote directly from the HuffPo story: The witness said the alleged sheep rapist bound the sheep’s back legs together to make it easier to commit the act, The Local reported.
It is unknown whether the sheep was injured during the act, which could be crucial to any arrest.
Sweden decriminalized sex with animals in 1944, but perpetrators can be tried for animal cruelty if the animal is deemed to have sustained injury.
Meanwhile, the suspect remains on the lam, but could be facing a more serious problem than just being arrested.
A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine last November found that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own species. 

Does that mean that the President of the United States might have dick cancer? After all, he’s been fucking a wookie for two decades or so now. I’m just askin’.


What to Do Here?

I could take this story in a hundred different directions at this point, but any of those would be sickening even for this blog! I mean I could:

  • Make some seriously funny, albeit very vulgar jokes about wool and female genitalia, but I won’t.
  • I could even go so far as to inject a racial component into my observations, like Richard Pryor would, but I won’t.
  • Ask what do you get when you cross a Scandi with a sheep…., but I won’t.

See what I mean? I will, though, go this far: curly headed Swedish kids are living proof that Scandi men fuck woolly sheep. I know this to be true because a curly headed Scandi kids first word is “daa-aa-aa-aa-dy”. I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.

NASA Is 54 Years Old Today!

We, just a few days ago, celebrated the anninversary of Neil Armstrong’s historic “one small step for a man…” moment in history, and it just so happens that the United States Space Program recognizes another milestone in its existence.

There’s more here…..

A Brief History as NASA Turns 54 Years Old Today!

We, just a few days ago, celebrated the anninversary of Neil Armstrong’s historic “one small step for a man…” moment in history, and it just so happens that the United States Space Program recognizes another milestone in its existence.

It was on this day in 1958 that President Dwight Eisenhower signed the National Aeronautics and Space Act thus creating the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, or NASA.

The Texas State Historical Association fills us in, “ The national commitment to a broad program of space exploration, including manned space flight, came in response to the Soviet Union’s successful space launches, begun in 1957. In 1961, President John F. Kennedy set as a national goal the achievement of a manned landing on the moon by the end of the decade. NASA began to reorganize and increase its space establishments. Central to the agency’s new future was the construction of a manned-space-development aggregation, including facilities in Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi. NASA also elected to build a new space-management, crew-training, and flight-control center on Clear Lake in southeastern Harris County, Texas, thanks to the efforts of Texas Congressman Albert Thomas. The Manned Space Center opened in 1963 and was officially renamed the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center ten years later.”

I have been to NASA on several occasions (having lived in Houston) and it is a trip well worth the money. Seeing space suits and artifacts from the earliest days of the US Space Program makes one’s chest swell with pride at what the brave men, and now women also, have contributed to this countrys fiber and character. Gazing with astonishment at real live moon rocks left me almost speechless – and that, friend, is not an easy task.

Alan Shepard

Space exploration has come a long way since Alan B. Shepard make his historic sub orbital flight on May 5, 1961. Of course, July 20, 1969 stands as the crowning achievement in the history of space travel, however the Hubble Space Telescope had been a remarkable instrument in detecting extraterrestrial bodies in and out of our own solar system. NASA has sent space craft to Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and miraculously beyond the borders of the solar system into deep space as never before seen by human eyes.

There have been the inevitable tragedies in the Space Program, but the historic accomplishments only serve to reinforce the fact that the risk/reward of space exploration is heavily weighted towards the “reward” side. the men and women who have donned space suits in their quest to conquer space and serve all Mankind are and have been the Columbuses and Magellans of modern times – heroes, one and all.

Big Blue Marble

The unknown grips the human imagination as we seek to further the boundaries of exploration, whether it be the oceans of our planet or the Ocean of Stars above us. Curiosity and the yearning to explore and discover will be a part of history as long as man inhabits this Big Blue Marble called Earth.

Happy Birthday, NASA. You done good.