Monthly Archives: November 2012

Tis the Season!

Tis the season to be jolly! Celebrate with us on our sister blog Lower 48 (Plus 2)!

Starting, Monday, December3, we’ll take you on a journey across America to discover some of the great traditions, sights and sounds that make Christmas in the United States unlike any other place on Earth.

See you there!

Merry Christmas!

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas in the Lower 48 (Plus 2)!

The Christmas Season is upon us once again, so let’s celebrate this joyous time of year as only America can!

Starting December 3 and continuing for the next three weeks, Lower 48 (Plus 2) will travel the country from North to South and sea to shining sea highlighting some of the best Christmas festivals, Christmas light displays and Yuletide stories that dot the landscape of the Fruited Plain and typify a traditional American Christmas. And we’d like you to be a part of our celebration!

If you have a Christmas event (festival, story, lighting display, etc.) in your town, city or state that you’d like to share with America and the World, by all means notify us in the comment section of any post on Lower 48 (Plus 2) or, if you prefer, email us the information and/or a link to the info about your event, and we’ll happily shine the Lower 48 (Plus 2) spotlight on it for everyone to see!

Our email address is lower48plus2 AT gmail DOT com. You can also follow us on Twitter  @Lower48Plus2 and we can’t encourage you enough to leave us a comment on the blog – you comment, we respond. No matter how you choose to contact us, we love hearing from you and look forward to your input!

Thank you all very much!

Merry Christmas!

Dumbass Classified Ads!

A couple of years ago, I started a feature  on Dumbass News called Dumbass Newspaper Headlines. DNH was so popular that I decided to make them a regular part of the blog.

Last night I was considering writing a new post of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, when all of the sudden I thought about a little blurb I saw in a small town Texas newspaper about twenty years ago. This long ago and faraway memory got me to thinking that newspapers have some pretty damn funny stuff in them besides the stoopid headlines. Of course, there’s the occasional typo that completely alters the intended meaning of a sentence, but there is also another very important part of a newspaper that can provide an unintentional belly laugh – the classified ads!

With this in mind, I used my Fearless Leader Google Fu and came upon some damn funny classifieds floating around the ether. AmIageniusorwhat?

So, Fellow Dumbasses, without further ado, I present to you the Very First Edition of Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

Keep in mind that these are actual ads run in actual newspapers all across the country.

The Ads

    

Read the rest…

Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

A couple of years ago, I started a feature  on Dumbass News called Dumbass Newspaper Headlines. DNH was so popular that I decided to make them a regular part of the blog.

Last night I was considering writing a new post of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, when all of the sudden I thought about a little blurb I saw in a small town Texas newspaper about twenty years ago. This long ago and faraway memory got me to thinking that newspapers have some pretty damn funny stuff in them besides the stoopid headlines. Of course, there’s the occasional typo that completely alters the intended meaning of a sentence, but there is also another very important part of a newspaper that can provide an unintentional belly laugh – the classified ads!

With this in mind, I used my Fearless Leader Google Fu and came upon some damn funny classifieds floating around the ether. AmIageniusorwhat?

So, Fellow Dumbasses, without further ado, I present to you the Very First Edition of Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

Keep in mind that these are actual ads run in actual newspapers all across the country.

The Ads
    
Dammit! I was looking for a used tombstone that said”Smith”.
————————————————————–

 
Winter time can be awful lonely in Boise.
—————————————————

 
I want some of what this guy’s smokin’.
————————————————–

Well that narrows down the search!
—————————————————-

Throw in a young stripper and it’s a deal.
———————————————————

  

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
——————————————–

Just in case you are ever chased by a dog in a foreign country. Or a foreign dog for that matter.
———————————————————————————————–

That’s the Christmas Spirit!
————————————————

This must be an ad for Bud’s Medical Center.
———————————————-
And last but not least…

Wanna go shopping, Ladies?

Dumbasses.

***Special Thanks to 11Points.com & jayp.net for the Ads!***

Lady That Sells Lingerie Gets Fired for Having Big Boobs!

If you have read Dumbass News for any period of time longer than about ten minutes, you know that I am against discrimination in any way, shape or form. Except when it’s necessary to the plot. Or against the Fwench. The Fwench deserve derision and scorn at every turn. But, I digress.

Discriminating against any person, except the Fwench of course, because of religion, race, national origin, creed, large hooters, etc. is a crime against humanity. Especially being discriminatory against a big rack.

Which brings us to today’s story.

Read the rest…

Lady That Sells Lingerie Gets Fired for Having Big Boobs!

Replay of Dumbass News

If you have read Dumbass News for any period of time longer than about ten minutes, you know that I am against discrimination in any way, shape or form. Except when it’s necessary to the plot. Or against the Fwench. The Fwench deserve derision and scorn at every turn. But, I digress.

Discriminating against any person, except the Fwench of course, because of religion, race, national origin, creed, large hooters, etc. is a crime against humanity. Especially being discriminatory against a big rack.

Which brings us to today’s story.

The Bigguns in Question

Fired Because of Heat Seeking Missiles

Lauren Odes is a young woman from New Jersey who just happens to be shall we say, “well-endowed”. No, we shall not. We shall say that Lauren has very large knockers. It’s these females appendages that are the source of Ms. Odes’ problem.

Lauren was fired from her job because her heat seekers are too big. I know, this is the worst form of discrimination possible. Look at all the joy and comfort that titties have brought into the world since the time of Adam and Eve. Think about it. Babies had to have something to eat, right? Another example of boobs being of benefit to mankind, children specifically, is the story of the nice strippers who tried to help out a Los Angeles Little League Baseball team.

I guess I should now mention that Ms. Odes and her hammers worked for a sexy lingerie store! I thought the idea of sexy underwear for women was to show a female’s assets. Am I wrong?

Disturbing Questions

Question 1) What do the owners of the “Almost Nekkid Lady Shop “have against massive breastses?

Question 2) Note that is an important part of the story: The owners of the “Almost Nekkid Lady Shop” are Orthodox Jews. That is a pertinent fact of the story. Why? Because there is evidently a dress code of some sort for Orthodox Jewish wimmin and Lauren was expected to follow that dress code. She was given a bathrobe to cover her chestictular protrusions and felt insulted, so she went shopping to buy clothing that complied with the Orthodox Jewish Wimmin dress code. She was then notified on her cell phone that she had been relieved of her duties as an almost nekkid lady lingerie sales person. It is also essential to note that Lauren Odes is a Jew as well. Not Orthodox, but Jewish nonetheless. Now the question; what do the Orthodox Jews have against New Jersey-size hooters?

Question 3) If the bidness that Lauren worked for sold sexy lingerie, wouldn’t great big tits be a valuable sales tool? Tools?

Lauren Hires a Publicity Hound

I was gonna subtitle this section of the story “Lauren Hires a Publicity Whore”, but the publicity whore Lauren hired is Gloria Allred and Ms. Allred has no compunction about sueing a guy like me for calling her a publicity whore. So, I won’t call call G-Red a publicity whore in order to avoid any possible litigation. However! Gloria can not sue me for thinking that she is a publicity whore. Therefore, I think Gloria Allred is a publicity whore.

Ms. Allred, whom I think is a PR hooker whore, is an excellent choice in Lauren’s pursuit of Justice against the Orthodox Jewish guys who hate big bosoms and terminate female employees who are blessed with a substantial rack. Gloria Allred, when representing a wronged woman, is like a pit bull on a T-bone. Vicious and umstoppable.

As much as I think Ms. Allred is a publicity whore, I am actually on her side this time. She has taken up a case worthy of litigation and will be certainly prevail against the Orthodox Jewish Guys Who Hate Big Boobs in a court of law. And deservedly so.

Good luck to Lauren and her heat seekers.

As for the Orthodox Jewish Guys Who Dislike Bodacious Ta-tas…

Yutzis.

Dumbasses.

***Thanks to the Daily Mail for the Photo***

Cam Hidden in JCPenney Ladies Room! By an Illegal Alien!

Public restrooms ain’t what they used to be. Hell, restrooms in general ain’t so hot these days.

Many years ago, Texaco used an advertising strategy that featured their always-clean johns. It was something the traveling public wanted, so Texaco gave it to ’em. When you are looking to buy a home, adequate “facilities” are near the top of the list of important features your new home must have. See where I am going with this?

These days, toilets in public places and businesses, even toilets in homes don’t always fall into a category that one might reasonably call sanitary or private. Port-o-potties? Don’t even get me going on those things. Dumbasses all over the country have taken to giving bath rooms a dirty name.

Remember the guy who did some doo doo diving in a portable toilet? There’s also the story of the shit for brains who ripped a toilet seat from its mounts and set out to murder another guy! Even the loo in the largest retailer in the world, WalMart, is not immune from dumbassery. What about when you go into the can to poop and there ain’t no toilet paper? That happened to a guy at a Motel 6 and he went on a destructive rampage!

Another Toilet Horror Story 

At a JCPenney store in West Palm Beach, Florida, the Loss Prevention Officer at the West Palm Beach Store noticed the ceiling fan in the [ladies]bathroom was dislodged just after 9 a.m, Monday and a closer examination revealed a cellphone aimed toward the bathroom’s toilets was recording video!

Naturally the cops were notified and responded to the call.

When the cops got to JCPenney, the Loss Prevention Chick told them that she had a suspect in mind with regards to this incident. After a great deal of intensive detective-ing, the cops came up with a brilliant idea – go to the Personnel Department and review the suspect’s job application for some information that might help nab the bastard. Guess what they found on the job app? Yes! A cell phone number! They called it. The cell phone in the ladies’ room rang! Busted!

No El Got-o El Green Card-o

Further investigation revealed that the owner of the cell phone, Rafael Dieguez, was not Rafael Dieguez at all! He was actually Rafael’s brother, Marco Bartolon-Velasquez! But wait, there’s more! Marco Bartolon-Velasquez is…wait…for…it…an illegal alien!

Bartolon-Velasquez, who has been in the United States illegally for four years, said he was using his brother’s name for “employment purposes” and was using the cell phone cam to ensure that his fellow employees were doing their jobs properly. Har har.

Hold on, this gets even better.

The vato admitted to have been filming activity in the ladies’ room since last Christmas! He also stated to the police that he had never recorded anything in the mens’ room. I’ll bet.<—dripping with sarcasm

The pendejo was arrested and is awaiting trial… and prison bitchery.

No driver’s license for him!

Dumbass News Toilet Safety PSA 

As we plow into the Christmas shopping season at breakneck speed, keep this story (and the stories at the links) in mind the next time you gotta take a whiz in the toilet of a fine retail merchant near you.

You never know what’s going on behind those doors.

Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!

Happy shopping!

Dumbass.