Monthly Archives: May 2013

Dumbassisms; Only in America!

Best of Dumbass News!

couple of posts ago I mentioned that I am big on sayings. You know what I mean. Those witty one liners that makes so much sense you wonder, “Why the Hell didn’t I think of that?”

A few days ago I got an email from a good friend of mine in Texas, who would like to remain anonymous, so I will refrain from telling you that his name is Ted Nicolai. So Ted my friend shoots me this email with all these cute one line observations on it and I would like to share some of them with you.

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Dumbass Steals Delivery Driver’s Car, Continues on Delivery Route!

Best of Dumbass News

 

This past Friday political conservatives from all over the internet staged a “buycott” of Papa John’s Pizza. This was in response to political liberals’ boycott of Papa John’s because of the pizza giant’s plans to cut many full time employees’ hours to part time and to outright discharge other workers due to the looming implementation of Obamacare, or as I call it, “a big steaming pile of yak shit”.

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Regardless of your position on the impending health care law, you have to admit that you have not yet heard of a single theft of a Papa John’s delivery guy’s automobile during this event. Even in Connecticut. Bipartisanship at its finest.

 

The same can not be said for a Chinese Food Delivery Guy in Connecticut.

Tofu Love: Organic Dumbasses

The internet has had an amazing effects on today’s society. Nowadays you can go online to pay bills, shop, do research, date and a thousand other things. I want to focus on the dating thing for today’s post. As you may or may not know, I met my wife online. 

Quick recap: we met in an AOL Chat Room , became friends, exchanged phone calls and one day about eighteen months later I showed up here in Maine, not really knowing what to expect, but we ended up getting married and having a baby together. I have now been here for over seven years and everything is great.

In spite of the fact that the internet has changed,…..

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URGENT APOCALYPSE ALERT! Cow Booty Calls Prove The End is Nigh!

VERY URGENT APOCALYPSE ALERT!  

The End is nigh! 

First of all, I’d like to ask you all to remain as calm as possible. This type of situation comes along only once in a civilization’s history, but the need to remain clear-headed and rational about the looming End of the World is paramount to dying with the knowledge that the Almighty is calling His people Home.

You may be asking yourself, “Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, how do you know that the End Time is near when the prophecies in the Book of Revelations haven’t been fulfilled yet?” That is a very logical and pertinent question. And I have a very logical and well thought out answer.

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Memorial Day: Freedom Has a Cost

Today there is no silly stuff.
Memorial Day is a day in which we solemnly reflect upon the most sacred of sacrifices made by hundreds of thousands of men and women who have valiantly served in the Armed Forces of the United States of America throughout its nearly 237 year history.

Our Nation has been blessed by Providence with bravest and most selfless warriors to have graced any country in the annals of Mankind.

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Hey, WordPress Bloggers! I Need a Solid, Please

Howdy, y’all!

As you may or may not know, I recently bought a custom URL for “Dumbass News”. Here’s where the favor I need from you comes in.

If, for some reason known only to God and yourownself, have added “Dumbass News” to your blog roll under the old Blogger URL (http://realdumbassnews.blogspot.com), would you please re-add “Dumbass News”  with this URL: http://www.realdumbassnews.com.

I would certainly appreciate it as this is one way I can keep up with where the blog is listed and how it is doing.

Thanks!

Toby, Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde

b1a36-headupass

White Guy Goes to War; White Wife Has Black Baby While He’s Gone; Blames “Lifelike” 3D Porn Flick! White Guy Believes Her!

Best of Dumbass News

Since I started writing this blog in September, 2010, I have made fun of every class, race, creed, skin color and/or national origin, especially those pansies the Fwench. You’d have to go all the way back to yesterday to see my latest demolition of those surrender-happy Frogs. If you, too, like to lob a few verbal grenades at the Fwench, just go to the “search” button in the left sidebar and type in “Fwench”. A veritable novel on “pussified” will be at your finger tips.

Enough about those Dumbasses.

Anyway, my somewhat verbose point here is that although I have ripped all the people I listed above, I have never done so because of race, color, national origin (except the Fwench), etc. I have stood fast to my word that I’ll make fun of anybody, any time. My three exclusions from that are the Pope, my Mom, not yours, and Billy Graham. End. Of. Story.

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