Monthly Archives: June 2013

Dumbass English Science Guys: “Cussing Cures Pain!”

I found an article that is as near perfect as you can get for Dumbass News. What you are about to read is scientific evidence that being a Dumbass can be a good for your health! I say this with a caveat, however. The study that determined this stuff was done in England. And since England is evolving into a Third World Muslim Hellhole, I have concluded that English scientists are Third World Dumbasses.

Let me splain.

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Fake BiPolar = No Jury Duty; Tell the Story on Radio = Stoopid

If I have learned one thing in life it is that if you want to keep a secret or keep something private, it is best to not go on a 50,000 watt, clear channel radio station heard in almost 40 states and share your little story. I am fairly certain that such an act would let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. I could be wrong here, but I don’t think so.

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Stampeding Cattle Prefer Bud Light Over Miller Lite!

Ahhhh Summer Time. The season of warm weather, gentle breezes, backyard cook outs, cattle drinking all your beer…wait! Whaaaaaat the hell?! Beer-drinking cows? That’s not the only dumbass detail about this story.

 

Beer-swilling bovine is not exactly a topic commonly brought up around the water cooler at work, but if the subject of cows drinking barley pop ever came up you’d think it would happen in a place famous for having lots of cattle – like Texas, Montana or Wisconsin. That is not, however, the case with this edition of Dumbass News.

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Ripped Off By a Hooker? File a Police Report!

Stories about hookers have long been a staple here at Dumbass News. Some our tawdry tales of tantalizing tarts even involve the police!

In keeping with our tradition of trashy trollops (OK enough with the alliteration), we once again present to you a story of prostitution. This time with a twist.

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How to Kill Your Husband: Poison Your Vajayjay!

Best of Dumbass News

One more time: If the woman in this story isn’t named the winner of the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award for 2013, I’ll kiss your ass in the middle of downtown Dallas and give you an hour to draw a crowd. 

Words I regret ever having written.

Not only did I knowingly scribble that sentence, I did so with the unwavering confidence that I would never see downtown Dallas again. Twice.

I should’ve known better.

The last week’s worth of stories will be long remembered as the most loaded-with-Dumbass of the Year Candidates-Week in the two and a half year, 850+ blog post history of Dumbass News.

So far.

Today’s tale once again pegs the Dumbass-O-Meter to eleventy111!!11!! and is probably NSFW!

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1000th Post! Dumbass Love at the 7-11!

1000 posts.

 One. Thousand.

10 times 100.

The square root of one million.  

How the hell did this happen?

The United Nations Pursues Your Fearless Leader!

We have talked before how cool the internet is and all the spiffy things you can do on it – shopping, paying bills, watching pron, etc…As good as all that stuff is, there are an equal number of bad things about the 3 Dub (that stands for “www.”; a nickname us blogging sensations use when communicating with each other) Scams, phishing, ID theft, etc. For example…

My wife got this email last night. It sounds very ominous and basically implicates her in a very serious crime. I will print it in its entirety below then dismantle it point by point.

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