Monthly Archives: August 2013

Mandate to Gubmint Employees: NO FARTING AT WORK!

At this moment, there are muchos shenanigans going on in the Gubmint of the United States of America. 

Over the course of the last few years, our Elected Dumbasses have seen fit to:

  • Assume control of your health care by taxing what’s left of your ass off.
  • Sic the Bureau of Infernal Revenue on organizations and individuals with political leanings contrary to those of the Dumbass-in-Chief.
  • Reprimand a Gubmint employee for farting at work….
  • Say what?
  • Yep.

Read the rest…..

Saggy Pants Trip Up Cell Phone Thief!

Remember a few years ago on American Idol they had an Old Dude on the show and he sang a little diddy called Pants on the Ground? 

Just to refresh your memory:

As it turns out, the singer of the song, General Larry Platt was a Prophet.

There’s a Dumbass in New York City named Joel Donaldson whose pants on the ground betrayed him at a most inopportune time.

 Let me splain.…..

Driving Nekkid w/ Nekkid Duct Taped Girl in Back Seat!

When it comes to Dumbassery, few places on the entire planet are weirder than Portland, Oregon. My guess is that other than San Francisco, Portland prolly has the highest Dumbass to “normal” people ratio in the country. I think the reason for this is the fact that so many weenies and various other life forms migrate from Cal-ee-forn-ya to the Pacific Northwest trying to – wait for it – escape the Dumbssery in Cal-ee-forn-ya!

Headdesk

Go frakkin’ figger.

Read the rest…..

Fake Cop Fakes Out Hookers; Real Cops Bust His Ass!

Dumbasses run the gamut of the human experience – from the poorest of the poor to the heights and glory of the Presidency of the United States.

Somewhere between those two extremes lie cops and also hookers.  Both make regular appearances on the pages of Dumbass News.

Today’s story features a policeman and his pursuit of ladies of the evening.! Oh, the anticipation of it all is killing me, so let’s not waste another moment before getting down to the nitty gritty.

Read the rest…..

Communist Commotion! Sex Dolls Unleashed on Chinese!

I was goofin’ around when my able assistant and wife, Mrs. Fearless Leader, was doing some searching for material for today’s story. She found some OK. Boy! Did she find some! When you read this story, you’ll understand why I love her – great wife, terrific Mom, outstanding cook and finder of sex doll stories extraordinaire. What’s not to love?

Actually, Mrs Fearless Leader sent me only one story about a sex doll but that story has a link in it to yet another sex doll treatise. Benevolent Fearless Leader that I am, I thought that telling both of these would be a great way to ease into a Tuesday.

Coincidentally, both of these tales come from China.

Read the rest…..

College Student Stress Reliever: Petting Zoos!

My Mother-in-Law is in town for a few days.

This means almost 72 hours of torture and degradation upon my person.

And that’s the “fun” part of her visit.

Anyway, I’ll be back tomorrow with some New Stuff for you Dumbasses.

In the meantime, enjoy the…..

Best of Dumbass News

Have you ever wondered how a place as beautiful as Cal-ee-forn-ya could be inhabited by so many Dumbasses?

There are certain parts of the state, I’m looking at you, Bay Area, that are as infested with Dumbasses as Congress is with crooks. That’s saying something. I could link you to some stories from Cal-ee-forn-ya that would curl your toenails. Then again, curled toenails are probably a fashion statement out there.

But, I digress.

Read the rest……

Dumbass Excuses for Missing Work!

Best of Dumbass News

My late Dad used to tell me that he wishes he was born rich instead of good lookin’. I face that same dilemma, but it’s a burden that I must carry until I am “The Late Toby”, which I hope is no time soon. The point is that if my Dad had been born rich instead of drop dead handsome (like me), then he would not have had to drive a truck for over 40 years and at least 6 million miles, most of that in Texas. I can tell you this: it was a rare occasion when Dad called in sick to work. Nowadays, people call in sick with some really, shall we say, “creative” excuses for not showing up to his/her job.

While doing my usual looking for something to steal from another site in-depth research, I came across a web site named The Hiring Site. The following list of excuses for missing work are quoted verbatim from that site. My commentary will follow each “excuse”.

Read the rest…..