Face the Facts: Why Some Dumbasses Can’t Get a Job!

My buddy Matt Vaughn in Texas is a Man of Uncommon Common Sense. 

He served his country in the United States Navy as a Corpsman (I think).

Matthew is also the brother of one of the best friends I ever had, Mark.

Side note: As I was typing that last sentence the was a knock on the door. Make that a POUNDING on the door. I thought it might be the Secret Service raiding the Dumbass Dome because I call Preznit Obutthurt the Dumbass in Chief. It was the UPS Guy delivering Scentsy inventory to Mrs. Fearless Leader. Obama is still a Dumbass. Take that, Secret Service!

About ten years ago Matt had a “pet” fish that he was going to flush. I stepped in and took custody of the Future Flushee. 

I named him Clyde.

Clyde and I traveled the Fruited Plain together – from Texas to Ohio back to Texas, finally landing in Colorado. And all points between.

I actually had a bond with that damned fish. We had a cool feeding ritual that involved strippers and Scientology. OK…I made up the part about strippers and Scientology. But if anybody could initiate a really cool fish-feeding ritual involving strippers, my money would be on the Scientologists.

Clyde and I did have a cool feeding deal though.  He’d come to the top of the water in his aquarium and damn near take his food right out of my fingers.

I marvel at the stoopidest stuff.

Plus, I was a Professional Drinker at the time.

Clyde was my buddy.

He died on Christmas Eve, 2004.

I miss Clyde.

Why Can’t I Get a Job?

Matt Vaughn, who has brought several stories to my attention, sent me these photos of people not in the work force.

They don’t have jobs not because bidnesses ain’t hirin’ or crummy economic policies emanating from our Federal Gubmint, but because they are Stoopid Fuckers! 

And the fact that they never took time to read the Dumbass News Job Hunting Guide.

I can’t get a job because: (read caption under photo)…

 Read the rest…..

I need a haircut.



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