Best of Dumbass News (Originally posted 2/25/13)
Many parts of the country, ranging from the Texas Panhandle to New England, are under the frigid grip of Old Man Winter. Last night as we here in Maine got the last flakes of about a foot of snow, people in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas were under a Blizzard Warning. As a side note, the Blizzard Warning was issued for Lubbock, Texas (Home of Some of the Finest Nekkid House Cleaning in the World) when the temperature was sixty-nine degrees outside! Welcome to Texas weather in the late winter.
As you know, the Upper Midwest has also been slammed by some wicked winter weather, thus keeping many Midwesterners inside. Many, but not all.
Leroy Duane Woodbeck of St. Paul, Minny-soda is a prime example of “many, but not all”.
Cold Outside, Warm Inside
There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “if it’s so cold outside that your nut sack will freeze solid then without notice separate itself from its rightful place on your body, then it’s too damn cold to be outdoors”. OK, I admit that I just made that up, but it’s the truth. Frozen gazebos = too fucking cold.
This is a saying that Leroy Duane Woodbeck obviously has never heard of. Today, I bet he wishes he had.