Sucking 2nd Hand Ass Ruins Breathalyzer!

I am a Former Professional Drinker.

I had a drinking problem.

Two hands, one mouth.

I have always been a Full Tilt Boogie, Damn the Torpedoes kind of guy.

I was this way when I was slammin’ down Barley Pop as well. (ed. note – for the benefit of the Yoopers out there, Barley Pop is beer)

Drinking wasn’t about getting buzzed.

It was about getting FUBARed – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

And doing stoopid shit.

Nothing criminal, just dumb, silly stuff – dancing with the lampshade on your head kind of silly stuff.

I also had some of the Best Drinkin’ Buddies a Dumbass Could Ever Have. They had my back and if I did something extra stoopid, their lips were sealed.

What happened at The Dumbass Dome, stayed at The Dumbass Dome.

Then again, I never had a parrot as a member of my posse.

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