Monthly Archives: July 2014

Dumbass Photos: Divorce Dumbassery!

I have always been a guy who tries to find humor in even the most personal of crummy circumstances.

Like The Big D and I Don’t Mean Dallas.

Many of you read this post from the day before yesterday where I told you of the impending dissolution of my marriage to Mrs. Fearless Leader. It is without a doubt a very painful situation, but what do you expect me to do? Wallow in self pity? That ain’t gonna happen. There is too much life to live! Too much yonder to be grabbed.

I have way yonder more sunsets behind me than I do in front of me and I am gonna do my damnedest to soak up every ray of sunshine in every friggin’ one of them!

It’s (sadly) the end of my marriage, not the end of my life. 

This is simply a detour on Life’s Highway. 

So, whaddaya say? Let’s have a laugh!

Best of Dumbass News

You are more than likely aware that half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce.

While going through the Big D (and I Don’t Mean Dallas) is rarely a pleasant experience, it is always the best idea to dissolve a marriage as amicably as possible.

It’s also in your best interest to show proper decorum in a Court of Law should your divorce action go that route. Threatening cook and eat the Judge’s children does not fall within the guidelines of acceptable behavior in a legal proceeding.

Everything I just wrote is unquestionably true.

Unless you are a Dumbass.

Dumbasses have an innate ability to turn even something as serious as divorce into a whole other thing.

Observe…

                                  Dumbasses & Divorce

A Rose by Any Other Name…

 

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The Clothes Make the Dumbass Mugshots!

Even going to jail can be funny and/or ironic.

Observe.

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Maybe not.

 

Hope Amidst Heartbreak – Time to Move On

Over the course of (almost) four years and 1500+ posts, I have rarely dealt with Heavy Duty Personal Issues on Dumbass News.   

Today I will.

Today’s post will be personal.

Very personal.
 If you came here looking for teh funnay, I ain’t got it today.

Abrupt and dramatic change is taking place at the Dumbass Dome. 

Read the rest…

Dumbass Edjukashun: Parents Are Stoopid!

As a new school year approaches, a few thoughts… 

If you’ve ever been the parent of a child who goes to school, you, more than anyone else, know that kids occasionally get sick and have to miss a day of the Three Rs only to become the Fourth R, Rotten! But Rotten is another story for another day. When kids are too ill to attend school for a day, it’s school policy that the parents of said sick child, upon her return to school, issue a note from Mom or Dad explaining Little Susie’s absence. Fair enough. However! Upon reading the “my kid missed school because,,,” notes, teachers have to wonder how the hell did Mom or Dad make it through school! Or if they even went to school.

Let me splain.

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Firemen Try to Put Out Fire w/ Jet Fuel!

We (meaning “I”) are always on the lookout for “hot” stories.

And by “hot” stories I naturally mean stories about raging infernos, arson-by-Facebook and penises stuck in toasters.

The common denominator in all these types of stories is of course fire

And firemen.

Fire fighters are highly trained individuals who selflessly risk their lives protecting their fellow citizens from conflagrations ranging from out of control camp fires to fully engulfed skyscrapers. Fire fighters are men and women who are blessed with an inordinate amount of courage and fearlessness

And, on occasion, Dumbassery.

There was a group of fire fighters in Washington going through some routine training exercises, staying on top of the latest in firefighting techniques and technology as well as sharpening their mad firefighting skillz.

Except this training exercise turned out to be anything but routine.

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Hobo Hotel: Drunk & Locked in a Port-o-Potty!

Best of Dumbass News

In late September, 2011, I wrote about a guy who got his jollies by diving for doo doo. At the time, I was certain that we would not encounter another story having to do with port-a-potties for quite a while. What the hell was I thinking?

Along comes this Dumbass in New Jersey to prove me wrong.

Hobo Hotel

Here’s the Poop

Unlike the doo doo diver guy who was sober as a judge, this time our Dumbass was lit like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. From what I can gather, the 61 year old guy in today’s story was simply using the port-a-potty to take a leak and somehow got locked in the toilet. He said he tried banging on the john’s door and screaming real loud, but there was no response to his plea for help. So, like any drunk worth his weight in Budweiser, the idiot went to sleep in the port-a-potty. How a guy could sleep in a portable can is beyond me, but this guy must have been really plastered.

Read the rest…..

Rampaging Cattle Prefer Bud Light Over Miller Lite!

Best of Dumbass News

Ahhhh Summer Time. The season of warm weather, gentle breezes, backyard cook outs, cattle drinking all your beer…wait! Whaaaaaat the hell?! Beer-drinking cows? That’s not the only Dumbass Detail about this story.

Beer-swilling bovine is not exactly a topic commonly brought up around the water cooler at work, but if the subject of cows drinking barley pop ever came up you’d think it would happen in a place famous for having lots of cattle – like Texas, Montana or Wisconsin. That is not, however, the case with this edition of Dumbass News.

A Moooooving Time Was Had By All

Imagine that you are having a few friends over to your pad for a BBQ and cold beer. Easy enough, it’s Summer Time and that sort of thing happens this time of year. It’s also inevitable that some uninvited Dumbass will hear about your soiree and stop by to ruin an otherwise good time. That’s bad enough. But when the party is crashed by a whole herd, and I mean herd, of non-invitees, the damn thing goes to Hell in a hand basket real quick like.

Think about it. There you are swiggin’ co’ beer and bullshittin’ with your buddies and all of the sudden a herd of cattle stampede into your back yard! That’s the “dumbass detail” I alluded to up there^^^^? This incident actually happened in…

in Massachusetts??!! You mean the home of Bean Town, the Patriots, Paul Revere and the Red Sox Massachusetts? Yep. That’s the one.

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