During my 30+ year Big Game Hunting, Fishing and Professional Drinker Rampage Extravaganza, I did some really stoopid shit.
Most of it I can’t write about because the Statute of Limitations on many of those “youthful indiscretions” has not yet run out.
In spite of some of the “more questionable” conduct in my past, I can, without reservation, confess to you that I never:
- “Got some” while driving drunk
- Went on a midget-tossing frenzy
- Passed out in the back of a garbage truck
While these are each and every one exemplary endeavors for any Drunk Dumbass, much to my chagrin (except for crashing in a garbage truck), I never acted out nor participated in any of these activities.
Although the “gettin’ some” while cruising down I-95 sounds rather inviting.
Note to Self: ask Mrs. Fearless Leader if she would be in favor of taking a nice “Sunday Drive” some day soon. IYKWIMAITYD.
I have not partaken of any sort of distilled spirits, beer, wine or any other form of adult libation in over four years. Sad, ain’t it?
I must admit that I get a little envious of some of my friends when they get hammered and do something “out of the ordinary”. Especially when doing something “out of the ordinary” involves tractors.
“Drunken Tractor Tomfoolery”, or for me, lack thereof, is why I am jealous of Joshua Viau of Cheboygan, Colorado.
Allow me to elucidate.
Josh got tanked up one night and as is customary, obligatory even, for a Drunk Dumbass hopped on a tractor and took a ride around town.
Then he ran into the cops.