Best of Dumbass News
Have you ever been in a convenience store to buy a soda, snack or whatever and think, “What the hell, I’ll buy a lottery ticket” just for shits and giggles?
You patiently wait your turn, standing behind a homeless guy who smells like the north bound end of a south bound mule and stale Pabst Blue Ribbon, and you have made your choice of which lottery ticket you plan to buy. Then, out of nowhere the homeless dumb fuck pays for his Meister Brau 40 ouncer and discovers that he has a dollar’s worth of change and decides to buy your lottery ticket! What are you supposed to do besides stand in line and buy the next ticket in that bunch? Fair enough. But the homeless asshole that bought your lottery ticket, scratches the gray crap from it and wins $500! Your $500! Almost. Wouldn’t you feel, instead, like following him to his homeless guy cardboard box and kcikin’ the living shit out of him? I would. But since that’s not the Christian Attitude, I’d just call him everything but a Child of God and let him go about his merry homeless guy way and celebrate his winnings with other homeless guys. PBR for everyone!
I have actually had this happen to me before but insert “my little brother” for “homeless guy” and the story is basically the same. The little fucker (my brother) bought the ticket I wanted and he ended up winning $500, while I wasted my dollar on a loser. Since I am thirty-three years older than my brother and he was about six years old at the time, I decided that kicking his ass was out of the question.That’s just how I roll. But I know I could’ve taken him out.
|Mega Millions, Schmega Millions|
Fast forward to today.