Best of Dumbass News
I am a Texan.
I am also a Foreigner.
Or as Mainers are prone to say, I am “from away”.
Away from what, I don’t know, but they say that a lot about non-native Mainerds.
Except for people from the state in which Boston is located. Residents of this area are commonly referred to as “Mass-holes”. With good reason.
While the Pine Tree State is a fine place to live and raise a family, it is also a great location for making fun of the way people talk.
I am of the firm belief that I am the only resident of this beautiful land that speaks like The Almighty His Own Self. For instance, take Down East Maine or as I call it The Lower Right Hand Corner of Maine. It is this region of the state that Mainers say stuff like, “Pahk the cah in the doah yahd and come on ovah heah and have some lobstah and buttah this Satdy.”
I think it is very unlikely that The Creator would speak in such a manner. I am positive that when God texted the content of the Bible to the Joos, that he explicitly said “Y’all should…”, “Y’all shouldn’t…” and “if you sin I’ll slap a knot on your head so tall you’ll have to tiptoe to scratch it…” and stuff like that.
Google Translate’s God Language to Language of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Moses, Jim Bob and Other Guys Who Wrote the Bible must have been in Beta at that time. Thus the linguistic discrepancies.
Other than being separated by a common language, Texans and Maineiacs have a lot of similarities.
For instance, a love of and a respect for guns.
And gun tattoos.