Monthly Archives: August 2014

Key to FLA Motel’s Success? Nekkididity!

Best of Dumbass News

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how’s that hope and change workin’ out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the travel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that’s gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That’s exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then’ like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

Go nekkid!

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Dumbass Reasoning: No Toilet Paper? Destroy Motel Room!

Best of Dumbass News

You remember those TV commercials for Motel 6 that said “We’ll leave the light on for ya”?

What a stupid damned campaign. The “leavin’ the light on for ya” part is cool. Catchy, memorable and annoying.

The part of that ad campaign that bugs me is that the guy who did the voice over for them was from Alaska. Nothing against Alaska, it’s a place that has been blessed by Nature way yonder more than many places on Earth. Like New Jersey for instance.

But let’s be real.

First of all, how many Motel 6s are there in Alaska? I’ll tell you how many. One. That’s only one more than Madagascar for Pete’s sake! There four million Motel 6s throughout the rest of the country, why not use a voice over guy from Mississippi? Or North Dakota? Or New Jersey. Anywhere but Alaska. It’s a minor thing but it pisses me off.

For Motel 6, I’ll leave the Dumbass on for ya.

Idiots.

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FAIL: Setting Yourself On Fire for the Ice Bucket Challenge! (w/3 Alarm Video!)

Messed Up Ice Bucket Challenge

The Big Thang going on all over the Triple Dub (www.) is the ALS Lou Gehrig’s Disease) Ice Bucket Challenge.

This is where seemingly normal people allow a friend or family member to drench him’her with a bucket full of ice water.

This is not as stoopid as it may appear at first glance.

Once icicle-ified, the now-frozen Dumbass challenges other non-frozen Dumbasses to get icicle-ified also.

There is good and there is bad that comes from icicle-ified in such a manor.

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Back to School: Dumbass School Lunch Menus!

Hear that?

I don’t either.

SILENCE! 

It’s deafening.

Why so quiet at the Dumbass Dome? 

School started today!

Woohoo! Back flip! Summersault! Faceplant!

Like tens of millions of other kids, my two little girls went back to school today.

I refer to this time of year as Another Year Closer to Kicking the Kids Out of My House Time.

Bailey the 7 Year Old is now in 2nd Grade while her older sister Isabella is now at the Top of the Elementary School Food Chain as a 6th Grader or as she said this morning, and I quote, ” I am now one of the Rulers of the School!”


Over the course of the next two hundred or so days, I’ll be asked, Daddy, what’s for lunch at school tomorrow?” approximately 183 bajillion times. The answer will be the same 183 bajillion times – “You can read! Go look at the School Lunch Menu attached to refrigerator. You know, like it has been every school day for the last 7 years!” (kindergarten included)

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Dumbass to Live On Iceberg for One Year to Highlight Climate Change!

A Dumbass & His Iceberg

Aside from the people who make up this great country, I think that the Second Greatest Thing About America is the 1st Amendment to the Constitution – you know, the one about Free Speech and stuff.

The populace aside, The Greatest Thing About America, in my Considered Fearless Leader Opinion, is the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. This is the that grants U S citizens the right to keep and bear arms against Bad Guys and (potentially) an over reaching Federal Gubmint. The 2nd Amendment is also a dandy way to protect the freedoms given to us by the 1st Amendment, in this case, the right to peaceful assembly. You’ll see what I mean in a minute.

Some Americas take the “peaceful assembly” part of the 1st Amendment beyond its construed meaning and they do stoopid shit like, oh, I don’t know, riot! Over Facebook comments! I feel certain that the Founding Fathers would disagree with actions such as this.

There are other Americans who take the right to have a gun to extremes as well. When guys like Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson wrote the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, I believe that they did so for the reasons I stated above (self defense, etc). I fail to where being pissed off at a neighbor who farted in your general direction falls into the category of self defense, but the Dumbass in this story interpreted the ol’ 2A differently than I did. That’s why he is a now a felon.


Taking things a step further, the Constitution of the United States also gives you absolute, inalienable Right to Be Stoopid As Hell. By “stoopid as hell” I mean believe in the Big Steaming Pile Known as Climate Change.

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Dumbass Advertising: Stoopid Billboards!

Guys who create billboards can never be paid enough.

Observe…..

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Mel Tillis Billboard Company

$5 Foot Long?

 

Federal Bureau of Stoopid: Stealing Guns From an FBI Car!

I start off this post with a familiar refrain, “there is no shortage of Dumbasses that make finding material for Dumbass News easy as pie.” Today another group of Duimbasses is highlighted as being the most deserving idiots available in being honored (snicker, snicker) as Dumbasses of the Day.

The unique thing about this story is the fact that it has a “trickle down effect”. By that I mean that it started with a Dumbass at the Top and oozed down to a couple of other Dumbasses involved in the incident.

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