Monthly Archives: February 2015

1 Year Ago Today: Bitch Slap a Cop & Quit Smoking!

Best of Dumbass News

We are nothing if not civic-minded at Dumbass News. 

Our support for law enforcement officers in this country is unwavering and irrefutable. We have proven this time after time over the last three and a half years.

Take for instance the time we stood solidly behind a Philadelphia cop who was assaulted by a drunk Dumbass during Oktoberfest last year. This unprovoked attack on one of Philly’s Finest was met with a very provoked Cop Uses Baton to Beat the Dog Shit Out of a Drunk Dumbass Response.

We steadfastly supported the Man in Blue who was viciously beaten about the head and shoulders and upper extremities of his body by a sex toy wielding Mad Woman! I know you’ll find it hard to believe that this Dumbass Dame was drunk at the time of the incident.

Dumbass News was at the forefront of Dumbass Journalism when we brought the horrific story of  three Seattle Police Dudes who were faced with the split second decision that could have meant life or death. Well, OK, not exactly life and death, but they were assailed by a chick with duct taped boobs!

This type of lawlessness must not, and will not, be tolerated!

Unless it’s Dumbass News -worthy! 

Which leads us to today’s story.

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Dumbass Speeling Err Oars!

Lurn to spel, stoopid.

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Want Ad: Proofreader Needed
We’re Number Won!

 

Dumbass Employment Fair: Dumbass Job Hunting Tips!

Our country is in a helluva mess these days. We are $18 Trillion (that’s 18 followed by twelve zeros) in the hole with an unemployment  rate officially listed at around 6%. With millions of Americans now so discouraged that they are no longer looking for work, the real jobless figure is in the neighborhood of 18% according to some economists.

These statistics indicate that it’s a very competitive market for job seekers. Too many seekers, not enough jobs.

I am retired so pounding the pavement in search of employment is not high on my list of priorities. However, I am very concerned for my fellow Dumbasses who are looking to rejoin the work force, desperately seeking a way out of Mommy’s basement a source of steady income (other than dealing meth that is).

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Homicide By Hooters!

Breast Best of Dumbass News

Boobs.

Knockers.

Hooters.

Hammers.

Tits.

Sweater puppies.

Whatever we choose to call them, female mammary glands are a mainstay topic here at Dumbass News.

From the lingerie saleslady that was fired from her job because her heat seekers were too big to the stoopid broad who used her breast implants to smuggle cocaine, we’ve had a grip boobs news like no other web site in the world for four and a half years.

Despite the wide range and sheer volume of stories about ta-tas on this blog, new boobies stories come to our attention every day, none odder than the one we’ll cover today.

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Texting: The Moment You Regret Hitting the Send Button!

That moment when you are texting and you instantly wish you hadn’t hit the Send  button.

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Slip Slidin’ Away: Dumbasses On Ice! (VIDEO)

The weather was so unseasonable that we had a Brown Christmas (no snow on the ground).

Thoughts of Sugar Plum Globull Warming Fairies were dancing in my head.

Not really. I just wanted to write Sugar Plum Globull Warming Fairies in a blog post.

Anyway….about six weeks ago our Brown Christmas turned into this:

Over the last couple of days I have been reading about how my Home Slices in Texas are due for a dose of what we endure for several months each year – Winter.

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Dumbass Sports Headlines!

Best of Dumbass News

Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to the Worldwide Leader in Dumbass Sports! 

We did not become the Number 1 Dumbass Sports Site in the Known Universe by accident.

No!

We became the Number 1 Dumbass Sports Site in the Known Universe by default!

Honestly, do you really think that there is another Dumbass out there who actually gives a shit about Dumbass Sports such as The North American Wife Carrying Championships

Or The Event Formerly Known as the Redneck Olympic Games?

Hell. No!

We’re Number 1 (by default)! We’re Number 1 (by default)!

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Dumbass Sports Headlines


Pron On the Linx!

The Result of Two Guys Acing the Same Hole



Who Says Baseball Isn’t a Physical Sport?




How Careless of Him



Bummer



Ball Control



Headless Horseman of Notre Dame


Not Quite Measuring Up



Monica, Is That You?



Dumbasses.