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Howdy, y’all! My name is Toby and I am the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde at Dumbass News. I am Dad to 4 kids ages 6, 10, 31 and 34 (that’s not a misprint), Grandfather to 6, husband to Heather and I am a fisherman. A damned good fisherman. Fish.Fear.Me.
Why I am Here
I’m just a guy who likes to write about the dumbass stuff that people from all over the world do on a daily basis. Thus, this blog. Hell, I was “urged” by my Doctor to retire a few years early and who am I to argue with Medical Science? Now I have plenty of time on my hands to do stupid crap and I can’t think of any stupider crap to do than to cast aspersions on the idiots that make up that loveable group known as The Dumbass Horde. I am a firm believer that everybody is a dumbasses… me, you, your neighbor…everybody! Except my Mother, the Pope and Billy Graham. I never make fun of my Mother, but if yours does something Dumbass-worthy, she’s toast. The Pope? He has connections to a Higher Authority so he’s definitely off limits. I am Catholic. Enough said. As far as Billy Graham goes, I like Reverend Graham. He’s a good man so you won’t find anything ugly written about Billy either. Other than that, I have no scruples and will tear any Dumbass on the planet a new one if I think it’s necessary to the plot.
Cussin’, Laughin’ and Makin’ You Think
When I write, I have been known to use, as Mr. Spock said, “colorful metaphors”. I will also drop the F-Bomb from time to time. I guess what I am trying to say is that Dumbass News is Rated PG-13. Let this stand as a warning to those of you who have objections to grown up language. The subject matter is also of a mature nature, though never X-rated. I am here to have fun and to make fun of and comment on the stupid shit that goes on in the world around us. But my primary goal is to entertain, provoke thought and coax a laugh from you as often as possible – which I hope is often enough to keep you coming back for more.
This is Your Blog
Dumbass News is not about me. It is about dumb fucks doing dumb shit. Moreover, it is your blog. I am merely the guy who puts words to paper, hoping that they’ll meet with your approval more often than not. I say that with all sincerity. I am a humble man. I check my ego at the door when I work on this blog. I am not vain enough to think that I am the Be All & End All in the blogosphere. I am always open to criticism, whether constructive or not, but be ready for some “animated” conversation between us when I think you are wrong and I am right. I am always eager to make the place better where ever and whenever I can, so your ideas and suggestions will be met with
utter disdain open arms. I may or may not follow your advice, but I’ll certainly considerate it before I tell you to fuck off. <—See? I made a funny.
Let’s have fun, laugh and even be pissed off together as we go places that would make the average blogging guy pee his panties. But they are pussies. I ain’t skeered.
Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde
Contact me at: realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com