Tag Archives: Ass

Bare Ass vs. Electric Fence Or Face Meet Cow Pie! (VIDEO)

Electric

Candidate for the Best Use of an Ass in the 2015 Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Awards!

Watch the video here.

Bring On the Dummy Awards! “Best Use of an Ass” for 2014!

Asses.

I’ve got one.

You’ve got one.

All God’s chillun got an ass.

Most of us use our asses for the Good of Mankind – sitting, farting and of course twerking.

Others, however, use their asses for the Forces of Evil and Not Niceness.

Our nominees for the Dummy in the Best Use of an Ass of the Year category reveal this Horde of Horrendous Hineys.

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A Dumbass Grows Old: The Case of the Sleepy Ass!

As many of you know, yesterday Mrs. Fearless Leader and I celebrated our tenth year of being a couple.

Some things have changed over the past decade.

Ten years ago, I had hair —>

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The Old Smuggle the Pistol Into Jail In Your Ass Trick!

At Dumbass News we like to say that writing about Dumbass Criminals is like a flat change up right in our wheel house. <—A little Baseball lingo there.

OK, we really don’t say that,I just made it up.

But I really like baseball and since Spring Training is in full swing (<—a little baseball pun there) I wanted to throw a metaphorical chin music at ya.

High and tight, baby!

That’s how we roll here.

The Heat Is On

I have always been of the Considered Fearless Leader Opinion that when one is doing something illegal, one should not perform his illegality of choice in the presence of those who might, you know, throw his lousy ass in jail!

Oddly enough there are Dumbasses out there who are too fucking stoopid to grasp this simple concept.

For example, David Caruso the Drunk Driving Dumbass Not the Actor Guy was minding his own bidness quietly doing a little drunk driving one night when he happened upon a sobriety checkpoint.

So what does David Caruso the Drunk Driving Dumbass Not the Actor Guy do while he is in the line of traffic at the DUI roadblock?

He opens a can of beer!

In the Drunk Driving Bidness this is known as “I am going to jail anyway so I might as well go full tilt boogie”. 

In the Real World, this act of defiance is referred to as “extremely fucking stoopid with the possibility of being a felony“. 

A guy in Texas walked into a building with the express intent of committing armed robbery upon the occupants therein.

Problem was the building in question was a Police Station! 

When confronted by several well-armed Police Officers, the Bad Guy said (I am not making this up) that he was just kidding!

Now, while these are two fine examples of Doing Extraordinarily Stoopid Shit In the General Vicinity of Law Enforcement Personnel, Michael Leon Ward has taken this sort of behavior to a new level.

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