Tag Archives: Denver

2 Years Ago Today: Thief Uses I D to Buy Beer From Lady She Stole I D From!

Best of Dumbass News


Thanks to my long time friend Matt Vaughn in Texas, today we are breaking new ground in the sink hole that is Dumbass News. I’ve come to expect stuff like this from Matt because he is one of the biggest Dumbasses I know. I must admit, however, that I am a bit jealous of Matt. And by “jealous” I of course mean that I would pay an exorbitant amount of money to one of my wife’s Eye-talian uncles  (Sicilian, naturally) to put Young Matthew to “sleep with the fishes”, IYKWIMAITYD. This would be easy to accomplish because my buddy Matt lives near one of my old fishing holes, Lake Ray Hubbard. This is one of the reasons I am jealous of my friend – because he lives so damn near the lake. Another reason I am envious of Matt is because he has a Harley and I don’t. Having said all this, you can easily see why Matthew deserves a fate of nothing less than becoming catfish food.

So, Matt, if you wake up one morning with a severed horse head in your bed, it’s nothing personal, bro. It’s just bidness.

Read the rest……

 

Lady Needs I D to Order Beer; Presents Stolen I D; To Waitress She Stole It From!

Best of Dumbass News

Our story today involves I D theft.

This is a first for Dumbass News.

In the past I have written about this stoopid bitch that was cashing Social Security checks – that were written to her DEAD boyfriend! There was also the time that we discovered that credit card theft is a gateway to becoming a smoker.

While cashing gubmint checks made out to your dead boyfriend and credit card theft are fine felonies indeed, they don’t compare to the Dumbassery we will learn about today.

Read the rest…..

Brianna

Guy Gets Woke Up, Kicks Other Guy’s Ass, Gets Arrested! His Wife Responds to Dumbass News!

It’s not often that I receive an update to an old Dumbass News story.

Unless I do some serious journalism.

As a matter of fact, this post will be Number 1248 in a Trail of Dumbassery that dates back to September 19, 2010.

Guess how many times I have received any sort of update from readers to any of those 1247 previous stories?

Exactly. Three. Times.

And I got two of those just after midnight yesterday! 

Alert Dumbass stoo, Dumbass Emeritus was Stoo-on-the-Spot with regards to yesterday’s story pointing out some very pertinent information pertaining to the disposition of the legal case against a restaurant owner who created a porn site in the name of a lady who gave her restaurant a lousy review.

I thought, “Well, that’s pretty damn cool!”

Then, out of the blue, like Al Sharpton barreling towards a TV camera through a crowd of Hungry Raaaaacist Poor White Kids devouring the last of the Gubmint Cheese depriving Poor Minority Children of their much-needed Gubmint Cheese Allotment, I got a comment updating the status of another legal proceeding against a Dumbass I wrote about back in September, 2012! 

Cliff’s Notes review of that story: Neighbor wakes Dumbass up. Dumbass beats shit out of neighbor and throws him into an aquarium. Dumbass gets arrested.

Read the rest…..

Lady Needs I D to Order Beer; Presents Stolen I D; To Waitress She Stole It From!

Best of Dumbass News

Our story today involves I D theft.

Brianna

This is a first for Dumbass News.

In the past I have written about this stoopid bitch that was cashing Social Security checks – that were written to her DEAD boyfriend! There was also the time that we discovered that credit card theft is a gateway to becoming a smoker.

While cashing gubmint checks made out to your dead boyfriend and credit card theft are fine felonies indeed, they don’t compare to the Dumbassery we will learn about today.

Read the rest…..

Fake BiPolar = No Jury Duty; Tell the Story on Radio = Stoopid

If I have learned one thing in life it is that if you want to keep a secret or keep something private, it is best to not go on a 50,000 watt, clear channel radio station heard in almost 40 states and share your little story. I am fairly certain that such an act would let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. I could be wrong here, but I don’t think so.

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Mile High City Homeless Guy Dumbassery!

Today on Dumbass News we have a rare treat for you. Hold on to your hats because today we have for your reading pleasure a Dumbass Daily Double! Yes, friends, today’s post has twice the dumbassery as your regular Dumbass News post, with twice the hilarity! Since today is Thursday, this is doubly exciting! So grab that cup of coffee and brace yourself for all the bullshit fun, froth and frivolity of a Dumbass Daily Double!

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Cop Slaps Girlfriend; She Beats the Hell Out of Him w/ a Justin Bieber Doll!

Today’s story involves a cop and is one of the weirdest yet to appear on Dumbass News.That’s saying a lot considering the fact that we’ve written about cops being attacked by sex toys, cops whose police cruiser has been pissed on and a little diddy about a cop who tasered a female cop’s ass, in the police station! No matter how much dumbassery those stories reek of, they do not compare to the stoopididity that awaits you in this beauty.

Read the rest….