Tag Archives: Dildo

Dildocular Beat Down!

Best of Dumbass News

Most of are pretty fortunate to have (or had, if she has gone on to her Reward) good Moms.

I, for one, realize that Ma Fearless Leader is a keeper.

I have done some stoopid shit in my life and Ma has always been there for me when other family members and people who I thought were my friends abandoned me like Preznit Stomp Feet has dumped (on) our Constitution.

Don’t get me wrong, Ma FL didn’t always treat me like “Poor Baby Fearless Leader”, she has lit my ass up more times than I care to mention.

Still she did it with love.

And a cast iron skillet to the skull.

Please understand I will tell anyone, anytime to politely “go lick a sweaty swamp donkey’s nut sack”. Including Preznit Head Up His Ass. But not my Mom, the Pope or the Reverend Billy Graham. <— Dumbass News, Rule 1.


There are, however, Dumbasses who, shall we say, have very little respect for their Maternal Parentage. No, we shall say that some Dumbasses need their spleen extracted. Through their asshole. By the Barbed Cock of Satan.


Cara Claffy (say that three times real fast) is just such a Dumbass.

Read the rest…..

Very Large Lingerie Store Burglar Has Plastic Weenie Fun!

Best of Dumbass News

Before I even get started on today’s Detour into Dumbassery, I will WARN you that what you are about to read is NSFW!

Here at Dumbass News we ain’t skeered to delve into some of the most bizarre news stories on the internet. In other words, we willingly and unashamedly dive head first into the slime. Today is no exception.

Let the Triple Lindys begin!

SPLAT!

Freak City

When you see those two words (Freak City), what town do you think of? San Francisco? Las Vegas? Davenport, Iowa? Davenport, Iowa??!! Freak City? Yup.

Allow me to elucidate.

Dumbass Assault: Attack with Dildocular Object!

Best of Dumbass News

Most of are pretty fortunate to have (or had, if she has gone on to her Reward) good Moms.

I, for one, realize that Ma Fearless Leader is a keeper.

I have done some stoopid shit in my life and Ma has always been there for me when other family members and people who I thought were my friends abandoned me like Preznit Stomp Feet has dumped (on) our Constitution.

Don’t get me wrong, Ma FL didn’t always treat me like “Poor Baby Fearless Leader”, she has lit my ass up more times than I care to mention.

Still she did it with love.

And a cast iron skillet to the skull.

Please understand I will tell anyone, anytime to politely “go lick a sweaty swamp donkey’s nut sack”. Including Preznit Head Up His Ass. But not my Mom, the Pope or the Reverend Billy Graham. <— Dumbass News, Rule 1.

There are, however, Dumbasses who, shall we say, have very little respect for their Maternal Parentage. No, we shall say that some Dumbasses need their spleen extracted. Through their asshole. By the Barbed Cock of Satan.

Cara Claffy (say that three times real fast) is just such a Dumbass.

Read the rest…..

U S Gubmint to Dead Guy: We Have a Check for You!

Hey! I got my check, did you?

Best of Dumbass News

By many accounts, the stimulus package passed by the US Congress in February, 2009, has been an unmitigated Dumbass Move. Nineteen months after this monstrosity got the Congressional Okie Dokie, unemployment remains above 9.5 per cent, home foreclosures continue unabated and consumer confidence in the economy is almost nonexistent.

How, oh, how could Congress fuck things up any more than they already have? Just when you thought the answer was “things are FUBAR’ed”, our Elected Dumbasses come to the “rescue” with something even more stupid!

Yes, America, members of our national government have been working overtime to figure out new ways to flush your tax dollars down the old crapper, and, dammit, they are doing a damn fine job of it.

The Federal Dumbasses at the Social Security Administration sent out stimulus checks at $250 a pop to 89,000 DEAD or INCARCERATED people! That’s $22,250,000 – twenty-two million two hundred fifty thousand dollars– to dead people and Dumbasses in jail. It appears that the idiots at the SSA did not check their records to eliminate dead people and some inmates from the list of fifty-two million Americans the checks were supposed to go to.

Read the rest…..

Funny Money in Indiana: Dumbasses Fall for Abe Lincoln on $100 Bill!!

Usually when we do a story like the one you are about to read, the Dumbass of the Story is easy to spot. However, today we are tasked with picking our Dumbass from a group of Dumbass Wannabes!

So, gather the family around whatever it is you gather your family around,  read the story and make a group decision! Take a vote and those who correctly guess who the Dumbass is will get a treat, such as an ice cream cone! Those who name the wrong person as the Dumbass of the Story will become Honorary Dumbasses themselves! It’s a win-win situation!

Here’s today’s Dumbass Story:

Earl Devine of Lafayette, Indiana recently decided that he needed some money. 

 So, instead of getting a job and earning some cash flow the old fashion way, Earl chose to take another path. He printed his own money! 
 
 
 

House Hunting? Check Out These Dumbass Real Estate Signs!

Best of Dumbass News

At Fearless Leader/Dumbass News Enterprises Amalgamated, we pride ourselves in being a diversified corporate entity.

I made that diversified corporate entity shit up .

The only “diversity” we care about at Fearless Leader/Dumbass News Enterprises Amalgamated is making fun of Dumbasses of all races, creeds, colors and sexual orientations.

If we haven’t written anything that offends you, please let us know and we’ll try harder.

Today’s target: Realtors

Read the rest…..

And they felt the need to put this sign up why?

 

Dumbass Video: The TNT Drama Button!

This is one of the funniest things I have seen in a loooooong time.

It’s a promo for the TV network TNT.

I don’t even watch TNT unless there’s a football game on or something, but this promo is just too damn funny not to share with Dumbass Horde. 

See the video here.

tnt