Tag Archives: Funny

Dumbass News Is Closed for Bidness

I don’t know where to begin, really.

But I do know where to end.

After today, I will not be blogging anymore. For a while at least. My initial thought is to take a month or two off then come back as stoopid as ever. As of right now, I can’t say when, or even if, I will resume writing Dumbass News again. Some time in the future I may just post videos of The World’s Best Dumbassery on Dumbass Tube. I simply don’t know.

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Bare Ass vs. Electric Fence Or Face Meet Cow Pie! (VIDEO)

Electric

Candidate for the Best Use of an Ass in the 2015 Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Awards!

Watch the video here.

You Had One Job FAIL!

One. Simple. Job.

Or not.

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

 

The Sign Maker Wasn’t as Drunk as Some Thinkle Peep

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Dumbass Love Life Texting FAIL!

Presented without comment.

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Dumbass Sports: Midget Tossing While Drunk!

Best of Dumbass News

Physically speaking, I am a small man.

Some Dumbasses would say the same about my mental capabilities and character too.

The ones who carry these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either

  • 1) Liberals or
  • 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde.

Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that it ain’t gonna happen.

As far as Liberals go, I ain’t skeered of a bunch of sissies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match. The Fwench wouldn’t fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won’t work to save their own mothers. Knowing that, I’m pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe.

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midget

Dildocular Beat Down!

Best of Dumbass News

Most of are pretty fortunate to have (or had, if she has gone on to her Reward) good Moms.

I, for one, realize that Ma Fearless Leader is a keeper.

I have done some stoopid shit in my life and Ma has always been there for me when other family members and people who I thought were my friends abandoned me like Preznit Stomp Feet has dumped (on) our Constitution.

Don’t get me wrong, Ma FL didn’t always treat me like “Poor Baby Fearless Leader”, she has lit my ass up more times than I care to mention.

Still she did it with love.

And a cast iron skillet to the skull.

Please understand I will tell anyone, anytime to politely “go lick a sweaty swamp donkey’s nut sack”. Including Preznit Head Up His Ass. But not my Mom, the Pope or the Reverend Billy Graham. <— Dumbass News, Rule 1.


There are, however, Dumbasses who, shall we say, have very little respect for their Maternal Parentage. No, we shall say that some Dumbasses need their spleen extracted. Through their asshole. By the Barbed Cock of Satan.


Cara Claffy (say that three times real fast) is just such a Dumbass.

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Disease at the Dumbass Dome: Puking In the School Lunch Room Drama!

Things are swirling around the ol’ Porcelain Pony these days at the Dumbass Dome.


Literally.

Over the last week, each member of the First Family of Dumbassery has/is/is again experiencing symptoms of The Crud.


The Crud is a debilitating disorder that manifests itself with any or all of the following maladies, individually or in sadistic combination with one another:

  • A “croupy” cough that sounds like a flock of caffeine-laden Canada geese with emphysema.
  • A headache that feels like someone is pounding you about your skull with 16 pound sledge hammer.
  • Sounds resembling a Mack Truck diesel engine eminating from the stomach-ular region.
  • Nausea of the kind you would get if you chugged a quart of Liquid Plumber.
  • Chunky Style Projectile Puking.
  • Anal emissions that mirror a rancid chocolate milk-battery acid milk shake. This is known as Ass Effects.

In short, that is The Crud.

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Lunch